


just another day

by frogheart



Category: Doom Patrol (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Sex, Gen, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Metahumans, Past Abuse, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-04-05 03:51:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19040560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogheart/pseuds/frogheart
Summary: new emotions can be hard to deal with, especially after your father figure gets sucked into a hole in the ground and you have to work together with people you don't even know that well.





	1. 1.stange

Strange occurrences happened a lot, at this point, it would be considered the normalcy for Nik. For all the things that have occurred in his life; most things that were weird’ such as a radioactive spirit or a brain in a tin can just seem so dull compared to unspeakable horrors of the deepest parts of the universe. However, this had to take the cake; a whole town getting sucked up into a hole? Now that doesn’t happen every day! Even if it did, nobody told him that could happen. At the moment it really was beautiful, in a strange way; sure Jane did run indirectly going after the chief, and he did get pushed out of the bus by a fragmented man who insisted they knew each other, but just the way the hole glow just gave him a warm fuzzy feeling. Or it was the fact he was bleeding from his head; after it closed up; the darkness came back upon the nonexistence frame of a town and he, laid next to the rest of his friends in shock.

“What the fuck dude! What the fuck!” cliff screamed, his hands twitching about in the air; he repeated himself for a while before Rita cut in

“We get it! For the love of god, we get it!” Rita retored

“Oh, I’m sorry, but a fucking hole just ate the whole fucking town, chief and jane? I’m I supposed to be fucking calm, Rita?” cliff became more erratic, pacing around the space; throwing his hands up in the air every few seconds. While Nik just laid there in awe, until he heard Larry begin to talk

“Why did you stay in the bus with the chief?” he began, a twitch came to his face, and he sat up off the dusty ground, “even after the hole opened up you still were in there, I-- I don’t get it” Nik’s eyes averted around

“I don’t know, trainor. Maybe it was because I was making sure the chief didn’t I don’t know, die?” Nik said dryly, cliff came bargaining into the conversation

“Well, look what fucking happened! He’s in the goddamn ground now!”

“If he were in the ground, he’d be diggable; he dissipated; that’s the word you’re looking for” Nik immediately regretted that statement as he got bombarded by more yelling; at him, at each other; even at nobody in particular. Finally, he stood up and started to walk away; the best decision he would make in that whole night

“Where are you going?” cliff started.

“Cliff, don’t” he heard Larry begin, but he was already overruled by cliff’s insistent begs for Nik to come back; instead he picked up the pace and jogged; not to anywhere in peculiar but far enough that he could play keep away with his thoughts with them

As their voices grew near to nothing, he started to walk again; Nik knew that the situation was terrible considering the circumstances, the chief had told them before they left he had enemies. It was apparent that this was the work of his enemy, well; also the fact the way that fragmented man talked to the chief. But even if it was horrible, he wanted to play in it; he rationalized that this was the chief’s battle; not his. The best thing to do was to leave well enough alone.

Nik swung open the doors to the manor and sighed a shape of relief, at least the hole did not suck up his sanctuary for the last thirty years. He strolled back up to his room and sat down upon his bed; door double locked and the window blinds closed. The red lights dimmed, and finally, he felt contempt. Of course, cliff would probably try to convince him to save the town, but that’s what locks, and loud ska music is for, Nik laid back in his bed and shut his eyes tightly; everything would fix itself by morning.

Of course, it didn’t

Nik woke up to the sound of Rita yelling out in the yard, he felt his eye twitch as he approached the window and looked outside; immediately he recoiled at how bright it was and shielded his eyes. He let his eyes wander into the back of the yard to see Larry and Rita going at each other’s throats; sure this wasn’t the first time that had happened, but god was Rita mad this time. Even from afar, Nik knew that she was furious; her face was a bit melty, and her face was red. He slowly closed the window again and sat back down on his bed, the urge to go out there and get involved was attempting to overrun his natural senses to not get involved and stay in his lane, and god did he hate it; he felt his head thump with pain and a sigh came from his mouth. Without a care, he reached behind him and dipped his hand into his shadow; it felt muddy and damp; Nik’s face contorted with disgust at the texture. It had usually been arid and easy to maneuver in, the sudden change made his hand tremble a bit, but he persisted and reached deeper into the shadow. Only a second later, his hand was poking out of his advil's shadow; his fingers reached around it and pulled it under. Nik pulled out and dusted it off with a blow, and popped a pill into his mouth; no water.

Of course, he immediately regretted that decision once he realized that dry pills taste like dry sand, he grumbled a bit before unlocking his door and putting his head on it. Really he did want to stay, after all it would be the rational thing to do, but God was the idea of getting into the chief’s business such a fun idea in his head; after all it wouldn’t hurt to just poke around and try to get him back; or even have some fun? He reluctantly opened up the door and slowly made his way down to the yard; attempting not to be seen by anybody else; hell who was he kidding; Nik just wanted a reason to spy walk around.

Finally, he made it out to the yard, and saw Larry and Rita sitting at the picnic table; at that, he immediately remembered that other people lived there. Nik shielded his face a bit and made his way up there, even before he could sit down Rita started to talk

“Well, you must have been tired,” she stated, taking a sip of her drink. rolled Nik eyes and sat down on the table itself

“I wasn’t tired, I’m lazy and don’t like to get up; there is a slight difference” he attempted to correct, Rita chuckled surprisingly Enough.

“Oh don’t give yourself that much credit, it takes Larry two hours to get ready in the morning” She snarked, turning her head to Larry who put one hand to his face

“Bandages take a long time to put on, Rita. I’m not magical” Larry fiddled with his gloves, Nik laughed a bit and tapped his fingers against the wood.

“so, uh--are we gonna talk about last night or--”

“You can, I’m not indulging in it” Rita looked him dead in the eyes, “Its none of my business.”

“Oh, alright. So that was fucking wild” Nik said, looking about and he finally notices the elephant in the room, or on the nose; the donkey. He felt his face scrunch up and he pointed over at it, “hey, why the fuck is there a donkey here?” silence came upon all of them before Larry coughed, he looked over at him for answers intently; finally he gave in

“It uh, it puked up jane, and we think that’s where the chief went.”

Nik didn’t mean to start laughing hysterically at that, but this was just all so surreal to him: like a donkey has a whole town in it? For all the things he has heard, that was a new one! But even then, it interested him; also though the wheezing and the lack of breath; he felt drawn to it; after all, he still was a scientist, and this was definitely not something that is supposed to happen. After a minute, he finally calmed down and took a deep breath in

“You're serious?” Nik asked, Larry, nodded. He felt his face grow wide as he chuckled under his breath, looking back at that damn donkey; this was maddening. “Oh--this is fucking rich” he stammered out as he approached the donkey, carefully attempting not to stir it into fear. Nik took his hand and gently took the back of the neck of the donkey and forced it to look up at him; he looked back at his mutuals to see them visibly confused

“Nik, what are you doing?” Rita raised an eyebrow as she began to get up; a finger was raised on Nik’s end as he gestured for her to sit down

“I don’t need you over here, I’m busy” Nik took his free hand and pried open the donkey’s mouth; not wanting to have it bite his neck off he kept a decent distance; however, he could see the strange; lines on its mouth.

“Busy doing what? Looks like you’re just harassing the donkey” Larry looked over, he rolled his eyes and stood up; still a firm grip on the donkey

“I’m figuring out how the fuck it swallowed a town, whatcha think I'm an idiot?” both of the more rational people in the yard looked at each other, then back at Nik. A sigh escaped his lips as his free hand rubbed his face in shame, “fuck you guys--” he squatted again down and began to press his fingers in between the donkey’s teeth. When he found something or felt something interesting; the way the teeth were shaped was odd; the back teeth were fine; but the closer he got to the front the more; oddly shaped they were. It reminded him on the time he used to stick his fingers in Cliff’s keyhole and spray black goop all over him; he laughed out loud. Those were good times, then it hit him; it was a keyhole; in terms of the shape, whispers of confusion came out of his mouth as he took the lips of the donkey and finally got a good look at them. They were in fact, keyhole shape

“Bingo,” he snarked, letting his hands rest finally as he sat next to the donkey; a smile came to his face at last. It was a door, if you opened the door you could go in; get the chief, leave and go back to bed. The exact thought process finally made him a bit less bitter about the current situation.

“What?” Rita asked

“Oh nothing, just the fact the donkey is a door,” Larry pointed at him.

“I told you so.”

“Oh, shut up!” Nik chuckled a bit, he got back up and took the donkey’s mouth into his hand and forced it open; he pressed a finger deep into the hole. Deep inside, he was expecting to get sucked in. However, it just felt damp and smelled like pee. However, that didn’t matter, going in there was his main priority; with a deep sigh he let his hand contorted and sink into the hot, but a deep dark pit of the donkey’s throat. Both Rita and Larry stared at him with concern

“What are you doing?” She sternly looked at him, instead of answering Nik gave her a thumbs up, and a salute before he let himself go down the rabbit hole. Rita screamed not necessarily in fear, but in concern over the stupidity she was seeing


	2. 2.good for your soul

All Nik could remember after waking up in a completely white void was two things; when coming down the throat, he got whiplash and that he hit his head on the ground once he exited it. Not necessarily the most important information to remember, but yet again he knew he wasn’t the best at remembering things of that importance. Nik’s head pounded with pain as his eyes attempted to adjust to the new, bright surrounding, he felt his mouth agape a bit as he attempted to form words to describe how confused he was, but instead, he sat puzzled at this new experience.

The strangest thing wasn’t the fact he was in a voided space, but the way noise worked. Every time his feet would tap against the quote on quote ground it would reverb quite loudly, which was odd considering it didn’t seem like an enclosed space that could do that. A reverb of that nature would need to big as a gymnatorium, however, it seemed like the void went on forever! But at the same time, it felt so small and claustrophobic, it was awful.

“God what the fuck!” he screamed, no reverb came back at him. THat made his blood rush to his face and his fist tighten, was this place trying to fuck with him? IF it was, it was doing a damn good job because in a moment of desperation he opened up his fist and let his fingers call out for the shadows; however, nothing came out. Not even a little drip of black, with confusion he looked behind him to see if what he thought was correct.

He had no shadow, nothing did. Nik’s jaw dropped as he felt his hands start to claw at his arm, how was that happening? For all the things he learned, even if a room was filled to the brim with light; a shadow will still be cast; even if it was microscopic. That made him fume beyond belief, he wasn’t about to be put down and wronged by a donkey. Nik took the back of his hand and slammed it down onto the ground, hoping that he could create some shadow from it; however his hand went straight through the ground without impact, his skin crawled at the feeling; wet. Immediately he pulled it out and wiped its feeling off on his jacket.

“You are fucking with me” he stated to nobody, “this is fucking bullshit!” he stomped on the ground; it was solid. Then how did his hand go through the ground? His head started pounding hard again and he involuntary grabbed his forehead and somehow relaxed. Nik had to get out, this place was going to ruin his sense of reality quicker than it had been originally ruined.

However before he could begin to plot a plan, he felt a warm, dry feeling in his hand. He brought it up to his face to reveal it to be a note, on a pink sheet of paper it said

“Will be there soon, currently getting everybody settled in. Don’t worry, they get tortured and you don’t :)”

He immediately crumbled it up and threw it into the abyss of white, getting ‘them’ settled it? Who the fuck was them? Unless it clicked with him; those idiots went in after him! Nik felt his face contort into a frown at that, he knew they were stupid; all of them were equally moronic. But to go in after him? To care about somebody who never would do the same? That was a level of stupid he never thought he’d never thought they’d step down to. But, it did make him feel warm inside to some extent; at least they cared about him; which they shouldn’t but at least they had empathy.

Once again, he felt a warm, dry sense in his hands; looked down at it. It was another note, this time he carefully unwrapped it and looked

“They don’t care, they want the chief, not you. Sorry for your loss :D”

“Fuck you” Nik spat on it, however, he did not crumble it up; it would be useless too. He finally stood up and looked about, he decided to walk north, or what he thought could be north. It probably wasn’t being serious, they did care about him; of course, they shouldn’t sense in his mind, he was the worst person after all. However they are empathetic idiots, they wouldn’t just want to get the chief, they’d want him as well!

Did they care? Nik spiraled down the hole of self-hatred if they did care why would they let him do it in the first place? Wouldn’t they at least try to stop him? Unless they just wanted to get rid of him so the search for chief was easier, he promised himself they hated him a long time ago; but the lack of care part kept on making him fall deeper in. His arm was covered in nail scratches by the time he found a wonderful site, two black and white loveseats; old ones at that, and a small grey coffee table. The sides of his eyes twitched before he carefully approached them, making sure to not make any noise; even going so far as to stop his depression train and think about nothing. Once he reached them he took a deep breath in, if somebody was there it was probably the fragmented guy since he was the one who took the chief and the town with him; but what would he say? “Hey, I’d like this guy who probably hates me anyway, if you don’t I’ll cry considering you’ve created a shadowless void!”, he laughed out loud at that.

God, he was so fucked

With a chance of concern, he looked over the couch to see; nothing. What did he expect really? A body? He chuckled a bit and flipped off the abyss without looking, until he was pushed hard, and fell directly onto the couch. A loud yell came from him as he scrambled to find his glasses; even within the blur he knew somebody was there; he wasn’t just being a klutz. After a minute, he felt his glasses and tried to grab them, however, somebody had taken them before he could grab it; as he heard a cackle come from the other seat

“You know, when I look at it up close it gets worse. I thought you’d have some self-respect when comes to frames”

Nik turned up to see a general blurry, but a human figure in front of him; he sputtered a bit as his insides twisted. Really he wanted to make a comment, but nothing wanted to come out, and the man noticed that

“Have we decided not to be snarky anymore? Or are we having a crisis?” the man threw the glasses at Nik, surprisingly enough he caught them with two hands and fiddled to put them on his face; once his vision was regained; the figure’s face was recognizable and it clicked with him, it was that fragmented bastard. Of course, he wasn’t all puzzle-like anymore, quite the contrary, he was quite well put together in a horse rider type of way and was quite nice looking considering it all. He gave off a tooth and nail grin and clapped his hands together, Nik immediately started regretting this journey once he took into consideration it was just him and this guy. After all, this was the guy who mocked him for a whole minute and insisted they knew each other, of course on top of that he stole the chief, and the entire town. Nik was oblivious to things, but he knew this guy was bad news on both ends. Finally, he had the ability to speak again,

“Oh fuck right off” he blurted out, “oh fuck off! why -- no how the fuck do you go from scary as shit to a 1930s therapist Jesus Christ” Nik put his face in his hands; attempting to cover up the fact he had a grin on his face the whole time, “like--”

“Oh what? You think I’m tacky? Because I think you don’t have the right to say that considering your choices in clothing for the past thirty years shows you’re the tacky one here in the room” Nik snapped back up and tilted his head

“Thirty years? Bitch you--” he was cut off by a hush

“Playing the tough guy isn’t going to work here, Nik.” he grinned, “I don’t appreciate the prose” Nik wanted to say something, but then shut his mouth and crossed his arms and laid down on the seat with a huff. “Thank you, now-- let’s state the obvious, you look like shit” he stated pointing in his general direction, “I mean, I expected better from you! You used to be so clean cut, and now you look like a homeless man!” the man got up and began to pace around his captive, Nik averting eye contact the whole time. “You could be worse--well you are, only mentally though” he took Nik’s shoulders into his hands, with a shot of adrenaline, he grabbed those damn hands and tried to peel them off; to no success. A chuckle came from the man

“Oh right! I have to tiptoe around your problems in order to keep your massive inferiority complex from coming to the surface, right?” he mocked, tightening the grip, “well, I’m not Niles so I--”

“Shut the fuck up before I shove my fist through your skull, you little self-righteous bitch” Nik spat out, the man let go and came into the view of nik’s vision, his face curled into a grin

“Oh, he really taught you well. Y’know--” he started, coming closer into his face “I expected so much more out of you, really; you are the hero after all, according to your friends! And yet, you barely put up a fight, at least physically” he laughed, “hell you only throw out horribly thought out insults that means nothing to me! I could really go off on you, but that doesn’t make for compelling storytelling, now doesn’t it?” Nik looked over at him and gave him a look that screamed ‘what the god damn hell are you talking about’, within a blink of an eye he was facing the other seat and the man was sat upon it.

“How--” he stopped before he could even begin, a smile came to the other man. Before long the man’s eyes widened and he chuckled a bit

“I should probably tell you my name, by now it’s getting a bit tiresome to only address me as ‘the other man’ in your head!” he extended a hand out to Nik, “I’m nobody--”

“Fucking what?” his neck began to spasm after that outburst, he screeched and held his neck in his arms, attempting to keep the spasms under control; to no success

“God, you really are stubborn. Here’s something to note, I could ruin you right now” nobody began, “traumatic experiences relieved? All that could be back, I’m doing you a bit of a favor for you right now so you don’t have to suffer like the rest of those idiots. So maybe, you could not fucking interrupted me?” he almost yelled, nobody sighed and laughed a bit before pretending nothing had happened, “anyways, could you do that for me? That’s not a question”  
Nik nodded aggressively, with a snap of nobody’s fingers the spasms stopped and a long sigh came out. His eyes looked up at him with desperation as he relaxed once again.

“I believe you would’ve caught on that my name was mister nobody, but yet again I feel like you barely care what anywhat has to say, especially then; isn’t that right?” his lips curled into a smile, “but I highly doubt you’d want to hear about me, after all the story is about you! Moshe-Nikolas Dooley! The man who can never die!” he put his feet up on the coffee table and pointed over at him, “the man who keeps running away from his problems, isn’t that a good character flaw? I mean it’s better than, ‘aw my wife is dead and I’m sad!’” he said, obviously mocking cliff, “hell it’s better than most of the over-saturated shlock Hollywood keeps pulling out of its ass, you have real problems! And that’s fantastic!” Nik chuckled a bit before adjusting himself a bit in his prison seat

“I don’t think my issues are better than the garbage in movies nowadays, hell it’s awfully cliche”

“Now you get it! Now you’re speaking my language” mister nobody said, “how could a man who had to all fall so far from grace? Really nik, you did have it all; the best apartment; an outstanding theory that would be relativity to shame, and the best of an assistant!” Nik felt his heart drop at the truth, he never thought of it like that before. Hell, he ignored it for the most part that he did really go down the shittier after the accident before he was somebody; somebody who was weird but now he was null and void. “Tragic isn’t it? Love always gets in the way” those words pierced his heart, he was never in love--it was just business nothing more nothing--

“Less? I know nothing about love but I do believe that having constant dreams about living your life out with your friend and kissing him by the shores of Jerusalem is considered well, in love”

“It--” Nik shut his mouth

“What? Have you figured out you have no defense or are you thinking of another self-deprecating joke to pretend you don’t have deep-seated homophobia? C’ mon I’m waiting!” he waved his hands around like a madman on a rollercoaster, nik’s legs went wild as they made an audible noise at this point. Mister nobody noticed it and pointed at them, “use your mouth, not morse code, dear” at that he immediately stopped, and attempted to come up with something; instead it came out as garbails. Clearing his throat, Nik tried again

“Uh--second option…” he whispered, hoping that his captor wouldn’t hear. But yet, he did and laughed at him, or with him really.

“Thank god! I can’t stand the first option” he dramatically sighed, the silence felt awful to Nik; before he could attempt to change the topic, mister nobody was already at him again. “I’m expecting you to answer to what you started before; not for you to change the conversation. It’s been what, a few hundred words?”

Nik let his mouth agape with confused, widen eyes. Then realized it would be of no use to try to get him to explain whatever that meant, instead he fumbled with his jacket.

“Well--wait why do you wanna know?” Mister nobody frowned

“Nik, if you keep avoiding the question. I believe you wouldn’t want to see your friends suffer, right? After all, empathy is your Achilles heel, and I know you hate feeling, so how about you answer the questions; or I’m going to make this situation worse than it already is” he warned with a devilish smile, tapping his fingers together against the sofa arm. A sigh escaped Nik’s lips and he started up again

“I mean, it’s normal to want to hang out with people who are your friends! Kissing a guy doesn’t mean it’s romantic!”

“Oh! Of course, so if I kissed you right now that just means we are friends, right?” he got closer to Nik, “really, you are a bad liar, Nik. This lie you have--weaved yourself into believing that’s normal isn’t good.” he drawled out, in his face at that point. “Y’know--for all the chief says about healing and all that bullshit, you haven’t gotten over the simplest of hurdles, which being, admitting that you were in love!” nobody’s eyes were on fire at this point, filled with disappointment and surprisingly enough, empathy. At least that what it felt like on nik’s end, Nik’s eyes filled with tears but he sucked them back in quick enough not to be noticed.

“We both know that’s hard” he whimpered, “I’ m--im not ready to” Nik really expected at least an apology, even if it was stupid to think. The thought overtook his mind, an apology; not even from this man in front of him, but just somebody, anybody he knew now or then. But alas, stupid expectations lead to horrible results

“Well, too fucking bad” he started, “its either you admit or I cause more mental anguish for your little friends” his stomach churned and his mouth went bone dry, did he have to? Technically he could just let his friends suffer, what would that do really? Sure Nik wouldn’t have to fess up, but these were his friends, people that cared about him; and empathy is one powerful emotion. Nik’s eyebrows furred and he looked down at his feet, “oh, look at you. Keeping your mouth shut, just to keep your little secrets and let your friends suffer? You’re more sadistic than I am!” he cackled

“God--there is no other way, is there?” silence, Nik sighed, “fine-- I was...in love; but I mean, it wasn’t good! I’m a guy, I’m supposed to love women! Not some scientist who was-” he stopped, mister nobody smirked

“Wonderful? Exillierating? Lovely?”

“...yeah, he really was” Nik’s voice shrank, “he’d bring me coffee in the morning before I’d be properly working, at 5:00 pm each night we’d sit and just..talk..mostly about the work we’d be doing, y’ know quantum machines n shit; but god, they were so nice.” Nik’s face was pink and his eyes were filled with nostalgia, “a week before I started work on...well this” he gestured at his whole body, “he said that I was the best friend he’d ever had, that if he could; he’d marry me. Originally I thought it was you’ know, a joke; but I know we both felt that way.” at that point he was on the verge of tears; “I loved him; so fucking much. But my brain is such a bitch that I just-- couldn’t, I still can’t love another man for fuck’s sake! It’s wrong, I’m wrong! For god sake I just--” he stopped himself before he could reveal anything else, by the end his face was wet with tears and his legs were bouncing so hard that they were numb.

“You made the right decision, my friend. Do you feel better, hm?” Nik slowly nodded, “could the chief ever do that for you? Have you open up like that?”

“Probably not, but I mean..” he laughed a bit, “you did threaten me”

“And? It got the job done! I mean, it wasn’t a threat really; more of a promise, considering I don’t care if you feel bad about them getting hurt” Nik’s eyes widened, and the floodgates of empathy cracked open; he stood up.

“You fucking fucker! Those are my friends! I did what you wanted! You can’t pull that shit on me, you crazy son of a bitch!”

“Oh please! It’s not like you are the one getting tortured! And besides, do you think they care about you? Hell, they are too busy caring about their own selfish lives to even realize that this was a mistake looking for the chief!” mister nobody’s voice pierced nik’s heart all the way through, he sat back down again and his captor chuckled a bit; “smart move, dear” mister nobody sat down next to him and tilted his head a bit; while Nik kept his head down, “all that empathy, all bottled up inside you. I can’t imagine feeling, or caring that much about some stubborn idiots who can’t keep their hands to themselves.” silence, “it’s not like you should care anyway, it’s not like you can see the pain their going through” he paused, “unless you want to, I don’t judge”

Nik let out a small laugh at that but kept his eyes down to the ground. Mister nobody clapped his hands together, and smiled widely, letting out a deep sigh. “At least I know your not deaf”

“Not yet at least, I could shove my fingers all the way in my ears and tear out my eardrum. Blood would be all over my hands but the pain is only temporary” Nik stated, still looking down. A small gasp came from the other party

“Oh, aren’t you joyous? Telling me your plans of self-harm in advance?” he got closer to Nik’s body, at that point, Nik could feel the lack of body heat coming off of him, but that didn’t matter at the moment

“If they were a plan I wouldn’t have told you, I would have just done it.” Nik finally turned to face him and his whole body around; laying down on the couch. In a blink of an eye, nobody was already behind the couch, looking over with a look of empathetic malice. Silence fell between them for a moment before Nik started to speak, “why? Why to make me talk about my life if you’re just going to make me feel like shit afterward?” he stated, biting the inner part of his mouth

“What I’m i supposed to do? Let you sit here and do nothing? I need entertainment! Life is a boring cycle of misery and you and your little band of freaks have some sort of drama that’s entertaining to me! Especially you, you don’t go looking for things that involve yourself., the only reason you came here is just that you found the donkey interesting. Not to fuel your superhero fantasy like the rest of those bozos! I’m only being a gentleman and not letting you suffer physically” mister nobody’s hands played around near nik’s body, every once in a while touching his shoulder and such. Even if the whole statement was a thinly veiled insult at his friends, it felt somehow comforting that; even if this was tortuous; this wasn’t a real torture session. It was just the way this odd man was, it still was bad though and nik’s body was shaking beyond control, and that he could imagine the pain they were going through.

“Please--” he begged, “please stop hurting them--” Nik choked a bit, before spitting out a bit of blood directly onto the floor. “I can feel them--or just make me stop hurting” a hum came from his captor as he looked over at Nik, at nothing then back at him. Nik looked up at him to see a deadpan face, finally, mister nobody started up again

“sure! “he snapped his fingers and then it all went dark; wet and sticky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> or alt title, get some therapy for g-d sake me


	3. 3.weird science

His eyes had a hard time adjusting to the day’s light, and the fact everybody was crowded around him. Nik groggily sat up and took to notice two things, 1. He was covered in a strange clear pink goo and 2. Rita, Larry and some other man were covered in blood. For a moment he thought this was just another trick from Mr Nobody to fuck with him, but it felt so real. It had to be that he was free, Rita’s face was filled with concern as she; surprisingly enough; hugged him tight.

“We thought we lost you” she squeezed him tighter, Nik was taken aback; they cared? How? And especially, why? “Please at least tell us before you decided to make a stupid decision again, please” Nik nodded a bit as she broke away and helped him stand up-help being loosely considering she just kicked his legs a bit before he decided to stand up. Once he got up, his head pounded against the front of his skull, and he stumbled a bit. However, he kept himself in one place, the other man with them reached out his hand; the robotic one.

“Hey, I’m Vik” Nik looked at him, at the hand and then back at him. A handshake? Directly after a traumatic experience? What was this guy a goddamn robot? Later he would learn he was a cyborg but that didn’t matter now, he quickly shook the cold hand and walked off without another word. Vik tried to call back at him, but at that point, he’d already entered the house and had a plan to take a shower until his skin burned off.

That night he lay awake in his bed, his sheets sprawled out all across the room. He knew that he wasn’t getting any sleep that night, but his body kept him down onto the bed. Really he just wanted to throw himself out the window, or do some work. Either one was fine, but the house was just so quiet without the chief, even if nothing much changed it felt so wrong. He tossed himself over on his side and looked over at his clock; it was only 12:40; for god sake--his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his recorder player turning on and the familiar tune of dean martin came on; at first he was concerned, assuming the worst; but god it had been a long enough day; so he shut his eyes and grabbed a blanket. The music grew louder and finally, he sat up; a soft glow white glow came from his closest and without fear, he yelled out

“Oy vey get out of my closest, my pee stained pants are in there!” he assumed that would scare whoever that was in there, nothing happened and the music continued. He let out a sigh and fell back down onto his bed, pushing his head deep into the pillows.

“Yknow, for somebody who prides himself on collecting all types of music; you’re collection is quite similar” the familiar voice spoke, he jolted up to see that fragmented man again; Nik furrowed his eyebrows a bit before realizing that thing was in fact, Mr Nobody.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he grumbled out

“What does it seem like? I’m putting on some music” his glowing hands traced over his vinyl, he stopped and pulled out one. Nik gasped a bit and tried to get out of the bed, mister nobody glared at him, “relax, I know how to treat a record” he stopped in his place and laid back down; nobody waltzed over to his recorder player and turned on the new music; it was some musician who sounded familiar; considering he listened to specifically vintage music, and a lot of people back then sounded, similar to say the least. But at the same time the song felt off, mister nobody grinned and dramatically pushed against it

“Y’know I remember back in the day listening to this man, I’d dance around while torturing a man, oh how nostalgic!” he laughed a bit before looking over at Nik, he was dead-pan; still confused beyond belief on what the hell was happening. He tilted his head, and he sat on Nik’s bed, letting his arms tease at his body. “What’s wrong, sourpuss? You aren’t tired, are you? It’s only what, 12:00? For an insomniac you really don’t act like one” he complained, Nik sighed and held his face in his hands

“No it’s just-- it has been a long day, I mean--we lost the chief, you made me open up about my feelings and I mean-- isn’t that a lot for a day?”

“Don’t be dramatic, that’s my job. You’ve had more things happen in a day! You just don’t want me to be around, don’t you?” Nik groaned and fell back on his bed, not wanting to answer that question. He picked up on that and let out a deep chuckle, “fine, you want to rest? Even though nothing really has even happened today, fine. Do that, I don't care,” and like that, he was gone with a snap of his fingers. Like that, Nik was alone once again, his fingers traced around the areas he had touched, or wiped at. For a moment, he regretted pushing him away so quickly; it wouldn’t hurt to have a conversation; right? But, then Nik remembered the whole fact mister nobody had tortured his friends and took the chief; a few minutes later he was out like a light; he dreamt of nothing--nobody. However, for once in his life at the manor; his heart felt nothing; no nightmares fear or impatient sadness. Even within the confinements of his deep sleep, his lips curled into a warm, gentle smile.

By the time he woke up, at around 11:00, Nik for a moment had forgotten what happened the day before. Doing what he’d usually do, calling out for the chief to ask him for his medication, but before the lips could escape; he heard the sound of Vik calling out for him. Then everything came back to him, and he felt his heart sink.

Slowly, Nik got up and called out he’d be ready in a minute; putting back on his pants from yesterday and taking off his shirt. He may be lazy, but a change of shirt was the most important thing. Without a thought, he picked up a random shirt, put it on, slipped on his slippers, and made his way downstairs with a groggy look in his eyes. By the time he had gotten downstairs, the young man was in his face with a hand out.

“I feel like we got off to a bad start yesterday, names Vik” nik huffed

“You told me that yesterday, kid. I don’t need a reintroducing’” vik laughed a bit, nik, however, was deadpan and pushed his way through the man to immediately flop onto the couch. Everybody in the manor was up, in his head he thanked god that he didn’t fall directly onto somebody. In a moment, Vik was already taking the reins of the conversation

“Alright, so; I don't know you guys that well, so uh--I feel like we should just share our names, a fact about yourself and maybe something you like to do!” God this kid was overjoyed easily, nik was about to say something, but Jane took the words out of his mouth

“We aren't in fucking preschool, this shit is stupid” vik frowned a bit

“Wel, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to; I just want to get to know you guys better” vik sat down next to nik, he let out an audible groan and scootch over a bit. “Hey you didn't have to--” vik was cut off by a shush and nik’s body now slumped over the other end of the couch like a ragdoll. Cyborg just rolled his eyes and let out a laugh. “Alright, I'll start. I’m vik, I know how to cook pretty well, and I like to help people surprisingly enough.”

“Booooring!” Nik blurted out; his body was brought back to life. Vik looked at him with a puzzled expression

“How is that boring?” a laugh came from Nik’s mouth, his body keep on moving around; every while talking.

“It just is! I’ll go next,” he started, finally stopping at a decent sitting position--upside down and his feet hanging off the back of the couch. “Hey, I'm nik as you know, one time I peed on my professors face at a concert and I cry myself to sleep at night” by the end, everybody was visibly a bit either a.shocked or b. Confused. Nik cackled and slapped the couch, “god you guys are so easily riled up! Let me do that again--” he coughed, “I'm nik, I have 3 degrees; all in biological science and I collect vinyl records”

“Why the fuck couldn’t you say that in the first place?” cliff questioned, nik pointed at the robotman and looked at him deadpan

“Because it's funny, only to me” cliff waved his arms in confusion

“What the fuck does that mean?” nik just laughed and got up, making his way back to his room. Immediately he felt a cold, metal touch to his arm. As quick as he was laughing, his eyes darkened and he snarled

“Don’t touch me, vik” pushing his arm off of him

“Where are you going?” he called out

“I’m going to fucking bed!” by the time he said that he was already in his room and had locked the door. Sure, this was beyond dramatic and needlessly stupid to do, but why talk to some people who hate him and want to get in his head about things? Also because really, socializing this early in the morning wasn’t his cup of tea. He approached his vinyl collection and ran his fingers across the rough edges of the tracks, within random chance he took out a recorder; put the one from last night back and turned it on. A smile crept onto his face as he opened up the windows and let the fresh afternoon air in, he sat upon his bed and let the shadow consume his hand. The edges of the blackness stayed put, he knew this was going to be a deep search into what he wanted; a few minutes later of lying down and lots of slight wrist movements, he pulled out a notebook. It was dark as the shadows before it and when opened up, dust came from it. Nik coughed a bit, but kept a smile on his face, his eyes scanned over the old pages from the past; all these notes from the days of science from long past. The beginning of the notebook read

“If in the future i have found this again, I hope to god I get an award for the shit I have to write down all the time, and the fact that even if its theoretical bs. It still matters in the end”

He vividly remembered writing that down, the night he did it was cold and wet outside. He had written it inside his house at the time, the windows were open and after he had written that down. Tyler had come in and gave him a nighttime drink, it was the first time he had done that for him. Nik shook his head, he had to stop focusing on that; science was what that mattered at the time. The flipping of the pages brought so many memories back, all the stressful nights and the happiest of days when he had figured out something so small; but so important for a theory; or just a formula he remembered and happened to write down! Even if most of the things written were old and he had improved on nowadays, they just made his stomach warmen. Until he got to the beginning of the recent notes--recent being a month before the accident.

“For this sector, all this will only be about my theories of the darkness we have--the black matter and antimatter of our world. For I have it coming to be in the mail, once obtained the things will become more conclusive and understandable. But for right now, all I must say is that--this is going to be my breakthrough.”

 

“breakthrough, my ass” he blurted out, going over those damn notes made his blood run cold; all the things written down were--correct to some extent. These things he was dealing with were strange and could be useful, but most of it was speculative crap that he wishes was real; after all, it would’ve been better if the mixture just made a wormhole instead of an awful concoction that ruined his damn life! Nik’s head thumped, he closed up the notebook; but kept it in his arms. Falling back onto the bed and he felt his blood pressure raise; if only the chief was here. At least then he could throw around some meaningless words of encouragement to keep him from not wanting to kill himself, or anything else insane he could think of. Really he was stupid, so very stupid for all those bullshit theories. Sure, he cant predict the future, but for the love that was all good and holy, he should’ve known better not to inject himself with it! Nik’s fists balled up and out of the corner of his vision he could see the shadows creeping closer, of course in the moment he didn’t know what to do. The feeling of anxiety and regret had taken over his whole body, that still didn’t excuse the fact that it was ingrained into him throughout his life; don’t inject yourself with unknown substances! Without a thought, his nails began to tear into his palms; blood slowly coming out of the meaningless wounds. Nik curled up into a ball on his bed and held the book (now stained with blood), tighter. Even beyond that, he was an idiot; how the hell did he even graduate? After all he could barely keep friends, and the ones that he had hated him; his attempts at showing people his theories in the past were god awful and nonsensical at best; and just everything about him was stupid! He really was a f class dumbass, at this point he let his head get the best of him, and his whole body was covered in shadows--nobody could complain about his stupidity now

“Hey nik? You alright in there?” vik knocked on the door, cliff came over and tried to get him out as well

“Hey dude--could you come out? We’re doing whatever cyborg is saying we’re doing!”

Only an audible groan came from the other side of the door, Vik’s eyes widened as he tried to door; it was unlocked. He looked over at cliff and gave him a knowing look; cliff just waved his arms about. However before he could yell at him, Vik had entered the room, and his shoes felt--sticky.

“What the fuuuuck” cliff pointed all over nik’s--now darkened room. Everything still had shapes, but it was all black and looked wet to the touch, except for nik, who was curled up in a ball on his bed. Vik ran over to him in the best of senses--mostly not having his feet not coming off the ground. He shook him and called out his name; nik’s fingers finally uncurled from the notebook and he sat up without any emotion to it, and he looked directly into vik’s eyes. Without his tinted black glasses, nik’s eyes seemed to be an infinite pool of inky darkness, including the sclera. Dabs of dark blue and swirling purples were also apparent, it was entrancing but so; unnerving. Vik was taken aback at first, but stayed in place and put his hands gently on his shoulders

“Hey, nik?” he asked, the tone of his voice oozing with a slight amount of concern. Nik twitched a bit and his neck started to spas; then it stopped immediately after. Finally, his mouth opened a bit and a dry voice came out

“What. is.it?” he spoke, all chopped up like if somebody had taken words from other parts of the day together. At first, vik attempted to shake him again; but then he realized he couldn't. He physically couldn’t, like he had become a deadweight. A smile crept onto nik’s lips, to reveal black shining teeth; all in his mouth. Swirling around its cavity, however, he tongue was still there--normal as ever. Vik’s eyebrows furrowed as he laughed nervously

“Hey, nik? Are you okay? We are having--” he was cut off by a cold feeling on his flesh arm, nik’s fingers held his arm tightly and his expression changed to a look of terror

“I’m I stupid? Viktor stone?” he was taken aback by the question, but like all superheroes; he kept a straight face on and held nik a bit tighter, in case he tried something risky.

“No no, you’re not, nik--i--why do you think that?” he asked with a concern face, tears started to well up in the pools of inks in nik's eyes. He crashed directly into vik’s chest and the whole room began to return to normalcy, while he wheezed hard. His words at first were hard to make out due to the make he was right in his chest, but after a minute; he came back up and looked up at him.

“Cause I am! Everybody has told me that! Ever since I was a kid I was fucking stupid! I can’t keep a conversation and I lost all my friends because of it! I’m a moron!” vik pushed him back into his chest and held him tight, it had been a long time since he had to calm somebody down from a panic attack--or whatever that was. But he knew what to do, he shushed him once in a while as nik let out all his emotions out. In between the sobs and wheezing, vik injected promises that it was going to be okay and that he was safe. It felt like hours for both of them before nik pried himself away, by then the room was back to normal; and the music still played. Nik Darted his eyes around the room and attempted not to look at vik, but his thoughts were interrupted by cliff

“So uh, you guys okay now?” he stated, vik shot him a look but nik just put up a hand and nodded.

“I am, i dunno about Vik” he laughed, completely ignoring the fact he had just had a mild mental breakdown just a few minutes before, for the rest of the day--or rather weeks went on fine, y'know punching Nazis and going to a foreign weren't an odd concept to him. By the time they all returned to the manor, everybody was equally tired. They all went up to their rooms without a wave or a good night.

 

 

 


	4. 4. fill the void

Nik stumbled up to his room, knocking into a few things on the way; he locked up the door and fell onto his bed with a thud. However, he didn't fall asleep immediately; the pain from all the walking was seering throughout his body at that point. He groaned out in pain and turned onto his side; it really had been a weird two weeks. All the yelling on the car ride and the punching of nazis surprisingly enough; wasn’t the best for his physical health. Sure, punching a fascist for fun in a while; but god does it cramp up your fingers and make your fists look disturbing. As he traced the lines of the bruises with his better hand, he heard a shuffle in the darkness; he knew who it was. But tried to ignore it, after all, if you don’t give him attention what's he going to do? 

“Well wasn’t that a fun little romp you had?”

Oh right, he couldn’t. Nik turned over to see Mister Nobody standing over him--he wanted to yell at him. For scaring the shit out of him; but instead, he just sighed and nodded. Hoping he’d go away, of course, he didn't. Mister Nobody took his worse off hand and examined it with dramatic sadness

“Oh god! Were those brutal fascists too hard to punch? Poor you! Really Nik, it's so hard being you!” he said in a mocking baby voice, Nik sighed and just laid there; letting Mr Nobody do whatever he wanted to at that moment. The day was too long and he was all out of energy to deal with this shit. “You really did a number on that old man’s goons, I’ve always hated nazis” he took out a cigarette and let it without anything for it to come from; Nik’s hand still in his grasp.

“Then why did you work with one?” Nik coughed up, Mr Nobody grinned

“I did not work with him, I merely took advantage of a situation which happened to have a nazi. Once I got out of that place I called my home for three days, I gave that man a hell of a time!” he accidentally pressed harder than expected onto the hand and Nik yelped out in pain; a crack came from his fingers once he let go.

“Oops” he smirked, Nik just rolled his eyes and turned over; but he was already on the other side of the bed in a blink of an eye; “you could at least say hello to me instead of giving me this!” he gestured at Nik’s whole body, 

“I’m tired” Nik shut his eyes and punched his pillow a bit before laying back down. Mister Nobody just laughed in his face

“Bullshit, you always say you're tired! I think this is more about me than anything”

“Of course it fucking is!” Nik broke, at last. “You’re bugging the shit outta me! I’ve been gone for over two weeks, having to deal with those fucking lunatics” he pointed at the door, “and I’m sweaty, in pain and I want to fucking sleep! Not talk to you!” he rested back down and scratched his neck; it was not too long before Nik started up again; “I'm--can I just sleep? For a while?” 

“Nobody is stopping you, dear. I just like to poke fun at you! Don’t take it too seriously” it had been an obvious retaliation at him being just a bit miffed at him, but Nik just nodded and let his body relax. Once he finally fell asleep in a sense, or really after 15 minutes; a warm feeling of a blanket came upon his whole body and; a cold feeling on his forehead. By the time he woke up the next morning, he didn’t even bat an eye at the fact he was tucked in and he had more pillows than before. Instead, he went on to self medicate with what the chief described as “a work back”--being to just inject himself with what made him like this in the first place. In his head, Nik knew it was dumb, stupid and even counterproductive--but if that's what he thought would help him get better. He wasn’t in any place to refuse, he had already tried to, and he didn't want to go back into the basement for doses

It had taken him about a full day to get back into the swing of things; which being just sitting in his room writing; occasionally coming out for a snack or hell; even a drink. But; even if it was simplistic and extremely closed off, it was odd being alone again. He always adored being alone, even as a small kid he’d rather spend his time alone than with people who probably didn't even like him that much. However, all the time he spent with those lunatics; it really made him warm up to them in a way; even if it was mostly yelling and complaints being thrown at each other. They were good people, even if their past said otherwise to his knowledge; it felt so wrong to be with them. All of them (including Jane at the best of times) were decent and kind people who cared, while Nik was the outlier; the man who never cared about the feelings of himself or hell, even others. 

But as quickly as that thought entered, he shook it off; he didn't want for them to deal with him sulking once again. He had been writing in his new scientific journal; one which he had gotten back in Paraguay from a kind old lady who sold it for cheap. It was a light grey and had a leather binding; definitely better than his college-bound notebook that easily bled when a marker was just lightly placed on it. He had only gotten two pages in and he already had done so much! Most of it was just formulas and general knowledge, but it was refreshing to be doing this again; even if it brought a bit of sadness back; happiness overruled it. In his mind, he wished he was back in the lab; sure this place had similarities, the color of the walls in all. The chief really did try but, nothing could beat the nighttime city breeze and the large spaces in between him and his desk. Now it was all just so cramped if he moved even a little bit his arm bumped right into the back of his bed. But, oh well; he just had to deal with it for the time being.

“God, you are so melodramatic! The fact you keep forgetting I'm a god who can manipulate reality is really rattling my cage” that familiar damn voice he could stand, Nik turned around to see exactly who he thought would be there. Instead of anger, he just shook his head

“I don't try to” Nik shuffled a bit in his seat; Mister Nobody sat upon his desk holding Nik’s head in his hands, at this point he had just given up on resisting his weird physical ticks, deep within him. It felt nice to feel something against his skin that wasn't metal or a needle, human contact. 

“This place is awfully cramped, I don't understand how you can work here! Before it was so--” he gestured all across the room, opening up his arms “open! Now it feels like I’m back in an institution” Nik ignored the last part, not wanting to know that context behind that. He nodded and the hands returned to his shoulders.

“I mean--since you can read my internal monologue. I feel like you know where I want to go, there is no point in beating around the bush” there was a pause

“Good point!” Mister Nobody snapped his fingers, within a white flash. A cold breeze came over him and he was back. All the way in Boston again, it was all the same--before the accident at least. All of his books, his machines and all of those damn awards--oh god it was all back! And it was perfect. He turned to see nobody standing over him with a grin. “How does it feel? Less cramped?” Nik shivered a bit, and attempted to get up; but he stayed in his old chair and just stayed; taken aback at the details in everything. 

“It's---how?” Nik asked with concern. 

“I’m all powerful! What did you expect? Oh Nik, my dear. It's not that hard to understand, I just know these things considering this script is very cliche and obvious” Nik laughed at the last part

“This is--thank you, like really I--I don't get it I mean I'm probably ruining your plans or whatever--”

“You're not” he correct, he pointed over at the now visible members of the doom manor, “they are, you haven't done anything to foil my plans, quite the opposite,” his voice was so venomous but wonderful to listen to. “Also I know, I’m wonderful” Mister Nobody bosted, Nik settled down in his seat

“You are” he whispered, nobody perked up and came closer to him

“Hm? Dear, I couldn’t hear you?”

Shit 

Nik’s face went from white to red in under a few seconds, in that moment all that could come out was just a gasp and his hands covering his face. Mr Nobody laughed at his embarrassment, putting his fragmented hands on his shoulder

“Oh dear, don’t be so embarrassed! I know how great I am!” his fingers began to touch around his throat, Nik’s eyes widened as he crossed his legs; even if this man stole and tortured his friends; he knew how to make him squirm; even if it was just physical touching in general. Nik mumbled something and nobody grinned widely, holding his face in one hand; squeezing his cheeks gently,” what is it, dear? I can't heeeear you!”

“I said that you’re great..”

“Damn right I am!” he boasted, pulling Nik closer to him; he may have not had any warmth but he just felt so comfortable; even if half of his body was all fragmented and weird. Nik hid his face in his palms and tried to get him away, but Mr Nobody persisted. “You always give the best compliments, dear. You know better than any of those idiots,” he crouched down a bit in order to put his ‘head’ on Nik’s shoulder, he really tried to focus on his new surroundings in terms of how much it was helping him work. But, the physical affection was just so raw and in a way; the best thing he ever felt in a long time. Even if it wasn't romantic, instead it was probably just a strange way of being friends; social cues are hard after all and even if not because of that, who could ever love him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if the chapter is short, next one is pretty long thou


	5. 5. stay

Nik had no idea how long he had been working in there, Mr. Nobody had left him to his own devices a long time ago, but it felt so weird; like he was outside of time itself in a way. Even if it had been an hour or two, the moon never went further into the sky; sure he didn't mind it, but man was it strange. Another thing he noted, he didn't feel hungry at all. Hell, he didn't even have to go to the bathroom! At first, he ignored the weirdness of this memory, but after a long, while it was apparent something was very off. He got up and looked around the room; there had to have been some limitations to the memory; Mr. Nobody could not be perfect. But yet, he was; every single book was the same, the texture of the sheets and the way the outside looked, and especially that damn fire escape. Nik slowly made his way down it; there had to be a limit; but yet, there wasn't. Once he got down he heard the noises of cars in his general area, the bustling sounds and people of the city were a memory, but also so real. 

It couldn’t be real, though, the power to go back in time was impossible! Even to his understanding that would have to be the work of a machine, and not some rando with a superiority complex! Nik ran throughout the streets, pushing people out of the way to get where he wanted--no needed to be at that time. With Tyler, if this was all before the accident, then he could at least--

Before long he was knocking on Tyler’s apartment door with the uttermost anxiety, his hands were trembling, and he didn't know what was going to happen next; would it follow out like usual? Or would he know what happened to him that night? It didn't matter now; he could see him again. 

The door opened to reveal Tyler; still a curly haired, tall and skinny man; his clothes still so similar to the night he died but off in a way. He was in shock

“Nik? What are you doing here?” Tyler's words punched into Nik’s stomach; he missed his voice. Nik trembled for a minute; words were hard to find when your love had been dead for almost 30 years.

“I uh--came to check on you…” he lied, looking down at the ground. A sigh came from the other party

“Listen, Nik, why are you lying? Like really, it's all fine if you want to stay at my place for the night” he laughed, Nik looked back up at that warm face. It was so nice to be back; he went in with him. Making sure to shut the door and lock it when entering, the apartment was the same as he remembered; clean-cut, white-walled and better organized than he ever was. Once he sat upon that familiar couch, Tyler went into the kitchen

“You want anything’ to drink?” Tyler called out

“A coke! You got any?”

“Yeah! Fuckin obviously!” oh god it was so good to be back to this, their Massachusetts accent bouncing off of each other and the way their words came out just tickled Nik in a way that gave him nostalgia again. Tyler came in with both of their drinks, and he sat down; putting a hand around Nik’s shoulder. This time, he didn’t resist and let him do it.

“God--you are great,” Nik said without thought.

“I got you a coke, least I can do” Nik hit him in the stomach

“You know what I mean, you fucking dumbass” Tyler laughed and brought him closer

“I have four degrees; I'm barely a dumbass” he pointed out

“Yeah, two of them being fucking useless” Nik remembered all four of them to this day, journalism; music; biomedical engineering and lastly; nuclear engineering. Tyler hit him in the stomach as well, lightly.

“Hey! Do you know how to write a well-read and interesting article? Yeah didn’t think so” he chuckled in between words, Nik scoffed at him

“At least mine have something to do what I'm working on, Mr. I work in sciences, but I only have two degrees relating two it!” Nik cuddled closer into his love, and Tyler did as well. 

“Oh, you--” he paused, Nik tried to keep his laughter in, “you are a motherfucker y' know?”

“Oh, fuck off!” Nik felt his stomach clench up as he laughed, back then it was so much better in terms of joking, nowadays he was just so bad with it. They sat and talked for a while, in between concluding remarks and thoughtful response, they sipped on their off-brand drinks while listening to the record player; playing some sex pistols. It was a warm welcome in a way, back to the past. Even if it wasn’t real, it felt good to be home; to at least relive things he never got to do. God, he was a lousy lover then; at least now he could be better. Tyler looked deep into his eyes

“I love you,” he said without any jokes dripping from the tone of his voice, Nik’s eyes widened, and he trembled a bit. 

“I--” he was cut off by him waking in a white space, back in that damn loveseat. Nik screamed and rioted, to no success; nothing happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go crazy, go stupid


	6. 6. violent love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its not gay if you dont feel anything important while having sex
> 
> giant ass nsfw warning lol; their is sex, lots of sex

“Oh fuck off! You motherfucking cunt! I’m gonna fucking shit all over your grave you son of a bitch!” Nik threw, even more, insults, but after a while, he finally calmed himself down. It was pointless, it wasn’t even real after all, at last, a familiar figure came into view; he sat down with a look of mild annoyance. Nik took notice and tilted his head, “why's your face like...that?” Nik then immediately shrank back into the seat and he wrinkled his face at the comment. Mister Nobody sighed and finally, that damn grin came back

“Oh what? That I’m mildly annoyed I just had to comb through flashbacks? Then yes, my face gets like that!” Mr Nobody said, flagrantly waving his hands around, “but, now I don’t have to do that--or really I’m having Niles do that for me. He’s fixing the present and I get to keep my little plaything of a world” Nik tilted his head

“The chief is...out?”

“Oh right! I might have forgotten the fact you were having the time of your life y'know--working” he cackled, “nothing much has happened, the world is ending and I made a deal with that disgusting little man so we can both keep the things we love! Two opposite forces; good and evil joining together to save humanity from its doom! Quite a cliche but god is it entertaining” Nik was in awe, how long had he been gone for? After all, the world doesn't end in one day; usually at least.

“Huh? How--” he was cut off by the talking of Mr Nobody

“It wasn’t that long, about a day or so” he gestured around at the white space, “dear, I thought you’d understand that! It's not that hard to wrap around your small human brain” in a blink of an eye, he poked Nik directly in the forehead with a smile.

“Are you saying I'm stupid?” Nik asked with the utmost concern

“Not necessarily, all humans are stupid! You’re just, less idiotic than those other morons!” he proposed, taking his hands together into his as well. Nik reddened at the contact and looked away. Mr Nobody tilted his head and laughed, “oh, even for such a strong man you do get embarrassed quite easily. Look at you! You are as pink as the sky right now since the world is ending in all” he laughed out, Nik just kept on feeling the blood rush to his face; which just made him cackle even more at his own damn embarrassment.

“Let me look at your face! It's the best part of your body after all” he mused, Mister Nobody pulling nick's face to his and him squishing his cheeks. At that point, Nik’s legs were beyond the laws of gravity and just wouldn't stop bouncing, and neither could his hands stop twitching

“I uh--well um--” Nik spurred out, trying to avoid eye contact. Nobody just laughed and just held him tighter

“Has it been that long since somebody held you like this? You’re burning up!” his sweet words wrapped around his body like a blanket of warmth, the urge to punch him in that smug; handsome face was there; but it slowly washed away to compliance. Even if he was feeling a bit hot in all areas, Mr Nobody leaned into his ear. “All of you is burning up right now, you really are a dirty little man aren't you dear?”

Nik felt a hand let go from his and went directly to his waist. He shouldn’t be doing this, really he shouldn't be! This man had taken the chief, tortured his friends and god knows what else! But he was also oh so good with his words, handsome and sure; sucked at compliments but damn did he make him feel alive again. His body melted a bit at the new feeling in his chest, lust.

“Oh, it's been so long since you’ve felt these things. Those many years of being touch-starved and lonely, and oh so” his hands headed down his body, “lustful” he growled right into Nik’s ear. Nik started to tremble at the touch, the words especially.

“Well--” he was cut off by a shush on his lips, and a tsk from the other party

“Don't be so impatient, dear. I know I'm handsome; just let me take control for a moment; you have no choice anyway” Nik was cut off by the sudden couch underneath his whole body and him having Nobody over him. Nik felt his face grow hotter, and his face grow agape. Mr Nobody took advantage of this and took off his jacket, and got closer to his face. Nik was trapped between a rock and a hard place, figuratively at least. This bastard knew what made him weak, and god was it good--and also majorly sucked at the same time.

“Isn't the world ending right now?” Nik managed to stumble out, Nobody just laughed then frowned

“I’ve already done my part in helping those nosy fools, and their ringleader. Don’t worry about it” Nik knew that wasn't just a snarky comment, it was a demand. A sigh escaped his lips and his body began to twitch once again, why did he have to be such a tease? Really, for a man who prided himself on doing things; Nobody was doing a lot of nothing. Mostly just talking, which was fine; actually, it was amazing but god; did he want at least something.

“Well, aren't you need? Monologuing about how much you wish I was doing something, I could stop if you wanted--”

“No! Please don’t…” Nik gasped out in desperation, need. Mr Nobody laughed

“Look at you! You’ve broken down so much, instead of yelling now look! So desperate for any attention” nobody’s hands kept on teasing around his body, every inch of it was not safe from his grasp on him; including Nik’s heart. Finally, a finger was inside his mouth and Nik let out a guttural moan. Mr Nobody was grinning from ear to ear at that point,

“how would you feel if I choke you out right now, Nik? Or maybe if I fucked you till you turned blue? I’m in the mood for both” he said, adjusting his pants with his free hand. Nik just nodded and couldn’t help but let his salvia graze upon the other man’s finger, Nik felt like he was about to break, this was maddening; he knew he couldn’t take it anymore, all this teasing was going to his head. Sooner or later he had to act on it, right?

“Oh--fuck me,” Nik said without thought, then immediately began to blush as heard that laugh ring in his ears

“You’ve really fallen from grace, Nik. I remember when you would never let anybody do this to you, oh I feel so special!” he moved another finger into the boy’s mouth and let out a chuckle, “you look great from this angle, in a porn star sort of way” Mr Nobody brought his forehead to touch his, he looked deep into Nik’s blackened eyes. Nik couldn’t hide now, “oh this is going to be fun” he laughed, without a moment to spare Nik could feel a hand around his throat and his hands over his head. In a way, he wished this had come sooner; but at the same time; getting strangled and teased to death wasn’t what he thought he’d be doing today.

Even if all the blood had rushed to his face, Nik could feel his bottom half heat up at the hand around his throat. A smile crept onto Mr Nobody’s face as the grip grew tighter, and Nik could feel himself grow light-headed. This hadn’t been the first time he had been strangled, but this would be in his top three best situations. Finally, his hand left Nik’s throat; he coughed for a moment but before anything else; Mr Nobody kissed him roughly and Nik’s eyes widened. Even if he could have seen this coming, which he didn't; it still would shock him; after all these years of loneliness and yearning; at last he had somebody kissing him. And he gave in immediately to Nobody’s will, he shut his eyes and let him explore every crevice of his dark mouth. Like nothing, Mr Nobody pulled away; and laughed maniacally.

“God! After so many pages of set up, we finally get to the good part! I mean, it is fun to tease you; but what's good with that if I can’t act on my urges?” all the words just mashed together in Nik’s head, a hand cupped around his cheek and Mr Nobody got close again. “What do you want me to do, dear? Or are we to busy coming up with a snarky response to me?” Nik looked down at his body

“Do what you want.. I mean like--I don't give a shit” Mr Nobody tightened his grip on his cheek and let out a chuckle

“Oh? Isn't that right? Anything I want? God, imagine the possibilities!” Nik laughed at that, then felt pain swarm over his cheek as Mr Nobody held tighter to his face. “How do you feel right now, Nik? Being under such an all-powerful villain like me? Oh, imagine what Niles would think of this! Would your friends even want you anymore if they figured out about our little song and dance? How would they feel--” he got closer to Nik’s ear, his cold breath on his neck; “if they saw you getting fucked by me? Cum all over your pretty face? Oh, now that's juicy! You wanna do that?” Nik tilted his head a bit and attempted to speak, his face beat red with embarrassment and horniess. However, Mr Nobody beat him to the punch and snapped his fingers, at that Nik was at least barely clothed. Just a tank top and his underwear to protect him from the rest of his body, he tried to cover himself up; even if it was just nothing much showing. But Mr Nobody had his hands above him; pretty damn tightly. Nik’s struggling just made Nobody laugh even more,

“it's nothing to be ashamed of! I just took off like only what? Three layers of your clothing, not like your naked or anything, at least not yet” he winked, Nik squirmed even more at that; attempting to create some friction between them. Nobody took notice of that and looked down at his pants

“Aaah, aren't you impatient? I’m just trying to create some tone for the scene and the grinding won’t make it go by faster” he snarked

“Please--I'm desperate” Nik whined, stating the obvious, Mr Nobody let one of his hands slip out and cup Nik’s cheek, rubbing it slowly.

“Oh don’t worry, we’ll get to it soon--” he kissed him quickly and then slowly started to pull down Nik’s shorts, a grin came upon Mr Nobody’s face as he saw the reaction on Nik’s face; it was one of confused lust and a hint of embarrassment. He tried to close his legs but Nobody pried them back open with a tsk, “don’t be so shy” he mused, Nik relaxed a bit and his shorts were pooled underneath his feet on the couch. Nik could see Mr Nobody’s fingers twinge, and he looked down at Nik’s pussy.

“Oh, you are a dirty little man, Nik. Wet in an instant from just a bit of teasing? Oh, you are such a slut” he spat with venom in his tone, “how would you feel if I shoved my hand into you right now? Wouldn’t that be fun?” Nik could feel a finger resting on his pussy at this point, he bucked his hips attempted to get a finger inside of him. Instead, he was met with a laugh and two fingers going into him and thrusting in and out; Nik moaned out in pleasure as the laugh from Mr Nobody surrounded him

“There we go! finally ! the sexual tension between us gets the payoff everybody saw coming, how does it feel, Nik, to feel my fingers inside you? Isn't it exhilarating? After all, this is the most you’ve done in a long time” Mr Nobody’s grip on his wrists grew tighter as he went further inside of him; Nik could feel him curling his fingers inside of him and he just couldn’t stop moaning out nothing but fragments of words. Mostly pleas of more, nonetheless it persisted. Another finger was inserted into him and Nik screamed out in pleasure, to immediately be muted by a kiss. He let loose at last, his whole body convulsing in pleasure as he continued to get finger-fucked aggressively by this villain. Mr Nobody broke out of the kiss, salvia dripping from both of their mouths.

“Oh, Nik, you’re so wet in there, and I haven't even started it yet!” he laughed, then Nik could feel four fingers inside of him. All he could do was twitch and moan out, Mr Nobody just laughed at him once again and went harder. “Tell me, how does this feel? You feeling good?”

“Oh--fuck--yes! Fuck yes!” that was all Nik could stumble out before he went back to moaning, he could feel himself about to orgasm soon. However, that fantasy was cut short by him pulling out with a grin, resting the damp fingers still at the entrance. Nik whined before getting tsked by Nobody

“You want to cum? After so many years of self-isolation and being touch starved, you want to cum? For me?” Nik just kept nodding, it was pathetic of him; but he was right. It had been so long since he’d, well orgasmed. He had fallen out of masturbating as a coping mechanism a long time ago. “You have to tell me, Nik! Do you want to cum?” he asked with a look of malic in his eyes, but a wide grin on his face and laughs in between sentences.

“Please--Mr Nobody let me cum” Nik begged, tears welling up in his eyes. That sadistic laugh surrounded him as he felt all four fingers enter into him with brute force and curl up, he screamed out with a hoarse throat. Mr Nobody thrust into him faster, laughing and mocking him the whole time. Nik’s body began to twitch as he felt an orgasm on the horizon, “oh fuck--Mr Nobody I--gonna cum oh fuck” Mr Nobody tilted his head and let go of the boy’s wrist, at last, his fingers went into Nik’s mouth; peeling it open.

“Cum for me, dear! Show me how much you love me” he mused, Nik cam harder than he ever had in a long time, his whole body relapse with pleasure as it shook violently, his drool all over his shirt at this point. Mr Nobody watched Nik as he rode out his orgasm on his fingers, he slowly pulled out and put those fingers Nik’s mouth.

“Lick it, I want to see how much you like it” it wasn’t debatable, Nik sucked on them for a while as Nobody took off his tie. Taking the boy’s hands and tying them above his head, at least then he didn’t have to worry about not being handsy enough.

Mr Nobody looked down at the broken man in front of him, he cupped Nik’s face with both hands with a smile.

“You are such a good pet, so easy to break but you are so fun. This has only begun and I'm having so much fun! If it wasn’t for the fact the plot needs you, I’d keep you here with me, dear” his voice spoke with so much demand and dominance, but a sweet warm feeling was mixed in with it as well.

Mr Nobody got closer to him, “tell me, Nik. How badly do you want me? Really, how much do you love this?” Nik averted his gaze for a moment

“I mean--shit man you’re great” he started, “I really want you, inside me” Nik’s eyes gestured down, “torture me, mindfuck me, whatever you want cause this is fucking amazing” Nik was unraveling at the seems, “I need you, nobody” his pleas were pathetic beyond belief

“Oh, I'm going to do both of those things! Don't you worry, my dear. You know, I know I’m repeating myself but what you’d Niles think of you like this?” Mr Nobody cackled, “after all, you want me to fuck you! And I’m their villain! Wouldn’t it be so embarrassing for them to see you like this?” Nik’s face went red again at that comment, he shouldn’t think that was hot, but god the way he said things like that just turned him on so much. Mr Nobody unzipped his jodhpurs and Nik felt; off, his vision blurred out for a moment and his head began to pound; Nik tried to shake it off but it was so weird. He tried to look down at Nobody’s cock, he could see it; the outline was visible but everything else was blurred out; like if he had moved fast while looking at it. Mr Nobody tilted his head

“What? Are you impressed?” Nik narrowed his eyes

“Is it me, or is your dick blurry?” Nik expected an actual answer, instead, Nobody cackled and kissed him again.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said in between kisses, “what you should be worrying about is how I'm I going to fit this inside your little tight pussy?” Nik could feel his body melt at those sinful words, nobody laughed again; taking his cheek in a hand. “You like it when I talk like that, don't you?” all Nik could do was nod, once he felt nobody’s cock against his entrance, his eyes rolled back and with a rough push in; Nik was back to moaning.

“Fuck your tight, loosen up for me would you?” nobody began to rub Nik’s clit as well, the pleasure was astronomically and all he could do was garbled out fragments of words, with sultry moans in between. He could feel his insides tighten up at each thrust, it had been so long since he felt this. However, he wanted more; more of this feeling. Nik whined and squirmed around a bit

“F-faster” Nik demanded with the most pathetic of tone, Mr Nobody just laughed

“Well that's not how you ask” he slowed down, staying inside of him instead. Nik groaned and tried to thrust, to no success. Mr Nobody took the moment of desperation to grab him by the throat, not necessarily choking him; but it would leave a mark.

“You know how to ask for these things, Nik. Don't leave me hanging! I would hate to just leave you here, all flustered and pathetic” he mused, leaving deep kisses on Nik’s neck; biting down on each one. Nik groaned and without thought, exposed his neck even more

“Mr Nobody--please go faster--I” once he said those sweet words, Mr Nobody started up again with a fast pace; Nik screeched in pleasure and gripped at his own hands.

“Oh--fuck me!”

“I am” even within the confines of pleasure, Nik couldn’t help but laugh. The song and dance continued for a while, Mr Nobody put a hand into Nik’s mouth, and his other was around the boy’s neck. He laughed and groaned in between thrusts, going deeper inside of him.

“How does it feel to be stuffed, Nik? Your little cunt all filled up with me?” nobody growled into his ear, at that point almost strangling Nik; however even he was getting strangled; euphoria took over his body and his eyes rolled up into his skull. The mixture of emotions, all the many words and feelings were just so; beautiful to him; Nik felt the hand leave his throat and went down to his ass. In a moment of disbelief, nobody shoved two fingers inside his ass and laughed at his pleasured expression; salvia covering his lips and a wide smile on his face. The feeling of being stuffed full in all of his holes was too much to bear and he cam immediately after that, Nobody; however, continued to pound into him.

“Oh fuck! Mr Nobody --shit” that was all Nik could get out, even when he used to masturbate, or hell have sex; he never experienced this before; usually, once he came; the sex would stop and he’d be off to bed. However this was so different, it was so overwhelming, and god could he feel himself get hooked on it with every thrust deeper inside of him. Mr Nobody tilted his head and got closer to his face

“What? Never had a man continue to fuck you after you cum? Pounding deeper inside of you, letting your little cunt get all overstimulated? Wow, aren't you vanilla; don't worry, I’ll change that by the end of this chapter” Mr Nobody began to nip at his neck again, those words made his blood warm and his eyes crazed with lust. After that, Nik decided to thrust in as well; even if he considered himself to be a very submissive type of guy; the feeling was just so good and he couldn’t pass up the chance to aid in it.

“That's it, give into me--” his thrust became more erratic, Nik knew that he’d be cuming soon; or at least orgasm. Nik put a pin in that thought and hid it with the rest of his theories about this man, for now, he was living in the moment, surprisingly enough he felt himself about to orgasm as well; he wanted to tug at Nobody’s shirt so badly, begging him to hurry up. Instead, he whimpered out pleas of more under his breath in between heavy moans, the speed picked up in both of his holes. “God-- I’m going to cum inside you” he spoke in between sloppy kisses, Nik felt his body begin to tense up.

“I'm--I'm gonna cum, Mr Nobody” a wide grin formed on his face as he went in deep with his fingers, however, he couldn't see it after he felt and heard nobody cumming directly into him, and the fact he was cumming. Mr Nobody held Nik tight as he pumped his load into him.

They stayed like that for a minute, surprisingly Mr Nobody stayed quiet, while Nik felt the cum swirl inside him. After what seemed like forever in his mind, Mr Nobody pulled out and laid next to him on the loveseat; at last, peace. However, that wouldn’t stop the teasing even if it was a break from the pleasure.

“How does my cum feel in you?” he said in a low tone, Nik could feel some of it coming out at that point; Nobody laughed, “oh look at that! You can barely keep it inside you” he tsked, “you really are a slut” the moment of peace was broken by a sloppy kiss, Nik stayed still, letting Nobody continue to talk those dirty phrases to him;

“I bet you’d love it if those idiots saw you like this, how I’d love to fuck you in front of them. Wouldn’t that be embarrassing for you?” Nobody was on top of him again, this time straddling him on his chest; Nik felt himself grow horny once again; this would be a long day if this continued up like this.

“All that cum dripping out of your cunt, I’d pull your legs open and show them how much you love me by fucking you until you beg me to let you cum, then I’d make you cum over and over again around my cock; that’d show them to stop bothering me, wouldn’t it?” Nik just groaned out and grinded against him. Once again he got a sloppy kiss on his cheek and arms placed around his neck; it was blissful.

“I--” Nik stopped mind sentences when he felt a familiar feeling inside him, he looked at nobody, down at himself then back at the man. Without any prompt, he came once again; his shrill voice echoed across the white space. Mr Nobody just laughed, then kissed him again.

“You said you wanted a mindfuck, dear. I’m giving you one, ever had your brain cum before?” Nik shook his head, “right, you aren’t usually sexually tortured, well hey! It's always good to try new things” Nik wanted to smack him across the face at that, this man could be threatening and oh so seductive, but at the same time he could be a complete goofy villain; god why couldn't he stick down to one for the time being? However those feelings were washed away by a wave of pleasure crashing down again, and he was cumming once again, mentally at least. He knew there wasn't anything coming out of him, but did he feel like it.

“Oh fuck--” Nik groaned out, his body getting ready to start up cumming once again.

“I should keep you like this, its funny; really. Niles said you were the scariest of those action figures, and yet look at you! So pathetic and horny, just from a simple touch on the chest?” Mr Nobody snapped his fingers and Nik shrieked out in pleasure, but this time; it wouldn’t stop. He was stuck in a perpetual loop of orgasming, Nik broke; finally, all he could do was beg at that point

“Oh god! Mr Nobody--please oh god fuck me!” the press on his chest grew heavier as Mr Nobody leaned forwards, licking his cheek before kissing him, even within the kiss he couldn't stop moaning.

“Nah, not feeling it, you sucked out all of my cum” he snarked, sighing. “I mean--I could help you”

“Please! Oh fuck this is so good-- I want you, give me more please fuck--” Mr Nobody chuckled, his hands grabbed the boy’s throat lightly and he dug his nails into the sensitive skin. “Oh fuck--” Nik moaned

“You are going to have to try to make something coherent, you are hard to understand when your cumming” Mr Nobody tightened his grip on his neck, Nik’s eyes started to bulge out a bit

“Please---oh fuck--Mr Nobody please--fuck!” Nik tried, it felt like forever; he’d try to form something, but either Nobody choked him too hard or the fact even if he knew the feeling of those orgasms, they still were so good, and he’d just give up halfway through a word due to the pleasure. He was losing it, for real; it was pathetic.

“Such a sad little man, wanting me to fuck him. So caught up in all of the pleasure he can barely think anymore! I should throw you back in the ring and see what happens, how long will it take you to seek me out again?” he took his hands off Nik’s throat finally and held his face in his hands instead, “my lucky guess is about 10 minutes, but that would be so embarrassing for you! Having to explain the fact you can't stop cumming because of me” he lowered his mouth onto Nik’s neck and began to bite and suck at it; leaving large, obvious hickey’s. “How about we give telling me what you want another shot?” Mr Nobody made his head nod, “good”

“Mr N-nobody” Nik started, taking it nice and slow, “I w-want you, p-please--f-fu-fuck me” a cackle came from Mr Nobody and with a snap; it all stopped. Nik fell back, surprisingly enough directly into Mr Nobody’s arms; he let out a heavy sigh.

“Oh you are so good” he ran his thick fingers through the boy’s hair, “you did good, how was that for a brainfuck?” Nik let out a chuckle

“That-that was good, I liked that, next time at least fuck my ass while doing that” he rubbed his temple, “god you fried my brain hard” Mr Nobody sat him down in his lap; Nik relaxed and ragdolled out on top of him.

“That's the point, Nik” he twirled his hair, while his other hand let itself keep the boy down on his lap. “You make me soft, and weak; I hate it” Nik was taken back at that, he could feel his breath on his neck

“Uh--I'm sorry?” he couldn’t think of anything to comfort the villain, he still felt a bit shocked at that comment after all.

“No need to be, it's nothing to be sorry about.” he nipped at Nik’s neck again, “Niles was right, you are quite strong; after all, you can make me feel things.” Nik felt the man rock against him, he stayed silent; this was new.

“Eric Morden died so long ago, and now its Mr Nobody but--” he paused and let out a sigh, “these things I’m feeling are just so similar to what I felt back then, I usually don't get confused but I’m at lost for words” they both bathed in the silence, Nik didn't want to try to do anything; after all, it probably fuck over the situation. However, he heard a loud timer ring out across the white space; and Mr Nobody pushed him over back onto the couch and pulled out an old wired telephone; he answered it

 


	7. 7. on the outside

“Its time Niles,” he said, and like that; Nik blacked out; he felt things; lots of warm touches on his hands and a wooden floor underneath him. Once he woke up, everything had gone to hell; literally. Vik was on the ground crying, Jane stormed off right before his eyes, and it all felt so; overwhelming. Nik laid there on the floor, not wanting to get up; again, he’d fuck over the situation. However, Rita noticed him and let out a gasp;

“Nik?” they all looked over at him, and Cliff rushed over to his aid, more or less stomped over considering he was a robot in all.

“Where the fuck have you been!” Nik rubbed his eyes, however, did not sit up

“I was working,” he said, it wasn't a lie.

“Fucking where? You were gone for two days!” the yelling was unbearable; he covered his face and let out a groan.

“Cliff, could you give me a moment?” 

“Fucking no, Nik! We were worried sick! We thought you fucking died!” Nik turned over onto his side and tried not to confront Cliff, but yet again it's hard to ignore a screaming idiot. 

“Cliff, give him some space,” Larry, being the only rational person in the whole room apparently; said. Cliff stomped back over to Vik and Nik, after a full minute; made his way over to the couch, ripped off the blanket that was rung over it and decided to rest; more or less powersleep until he felt better.

He was out for about fourteen hours, and he dreamt only of dancing; slow dancing with Mr. Nobody. He woke up in his bed, and completely nude and shadow slowly engulfing his body; he slapped at his arm to ward it off; it obeyed. Nik fell back onto his bed and covered his face with a pillow; he fucked up big time; not because he had decided to go to sleep instead of help Vic, no; his brain scolded him for having sex. Nik could feel his body start to shake when he remembered who it was, a man; oh he was in the deep end for sure. The pillow muffled the fact he was shrieking at his actions, why couldn't he have been a good man? He promised himself after the whole Tyler incident he’d never let his feelings get in the way, that he had to fake it until he made it and find a woman; after all, that's what she wanted. At the remembrance of her, Nik spiraled deeper down the rabbit hole of self-loathing for what he had done; she would know he had kissed Mr. Nobody, even if she was still back in New Hampshire; she’d know. His heartbeat sped up, and he curled up into a ball, he didn't want her to hurt him again; the idea of her hands on his chest made him almost vomit in his bed.

All of his blocked out memories came flooding back once again, and he couldn't stop them this time around; they beat at his self-esteem and made him cry harder than he had in the past few weeks. 

“Please--- I’m sorry” Nik begged, but the onslaught kept coming at him

Filthy filthy filthy, you either pick or choose your battles; straight girl or straight boy. Nobody to help, no one to turn too; only her. She knows best; she knows what's best for you; Nik. His head kept spinning; he should’ve stayed with her; then he wouldn't have been so bad; then Tyler wouldn't have died, then nobody would have to deal with him. Nik’s hands started to scratch at his face, small amounts of blood under his nails after a minute; the pain was so unbearable, but he couldn't stop clawing at himself; he deserved it after all.

The shadows, surprisingly enough; did not cover him this time. Instead, they flaid up into the air, vibrating aggressively. Nik wanted them to take him, comfort him; but they didn't, they mocked him; they formed hands and pulled at his skin as well. He finally broke down sobbing, curling up into a ball on his bed and ripping at his skin. Blood dripped down all over his sheets and hands, the agony seared through his body as he kept seeing her in his brain; she always was so pretty; he didn't deserve to be fixed by her, her hair was so beautiful and her hands so delicate, even if they were around his throat and in his face clenched. All he could see was her pummeling him in her room; the room dark expect her; she was in lighten like a god. Every punch was onto his chest, his chest exposed, and he had no way to stop her; why would Nik want it to stop? He deserved it; she’d say that to him before she’d hit him, or touch him. 

He couldn’t think of men like that; he couldn't see them as a romantic option. She was just trying to help him see salvation, and he knew that was true; that's why his face was gored beyond belief once he woke up back to reality. 

The reason for waking up from his nightmare of a hallucination? A knock at his door, Nik groaned out loud; he couldn't manage to try to form any sentences; the door bursts open, and Nik could see an outline of Jane, or what looked like her body considering all the blood in the way. 

“Nik are you alright, I was wondering if you have my fucking scrapbook..” she slowly approached the man, who was face down on the bed. Carefully, Jane turned him over and let out an angry gasp; Nik tried to hide his face, but the wounds were apparent, “what the fuck! Nik what the hell happened to you!” she grabbed him by the collar and pulled him to her level; Nik just ragdolled and became dead weight; he just stayed silent.

“Hello?? Fucking earth to Nik, I’m talking to you!” she snapped in his face; he faced her with a quick snap of his neck and blanked out again. Jane let go of him and started to pace around the room, “oh fuck, do I need to call an ambulance? Shit buddy--” Jane bite at her nails, drawing a small amount of blood. Nik sat up and let out a tired sigh

“I don't need an ambulance I'm fine,” he said through the gurgling of blood

“Are you sure? Your face is fucking gone!” she snapped

“I deserved it; I was being bad” Nik looked down at the floor, rubbing his legs together and making his body as small as possible. 

“What exactly does that mean, Nik?” that wasn't Jane, Nik turned up to see Jane’s body; expect not necessarily her; this new personality had these piercing blue eyes that sucked his soul directly into them. Her voice was calculating and cruel, Nik started to stammer back in the bed

“Who the fuck are-are you?” he questioned meekly, blood still coming out his mouth

“Deflecting won't help; how about we talk about your face right now? Self-harm forms from many things” her voice cut through his brain, Nik shook his head

“Not self-harm, again; just told you; I deserved it, I made a mistake” Nik looked over to the side

“That mistake being feeling, isn't that correct; Nikolas? You haven't felt what your feeling in a long time, ever since your last lover was around. Isn't that why you threw him out the window?” right on the marker she was, Nik clenched his teeth

“I-no..” he lied, trying to keep himself as far away as possible, but her eyes just kept following him. 

“You pushed him out the window, accident or not you killed a man because you were feeling things you shouldn't have been; what was that emotion, Nikolas?” the woman was grilling him, and he could feel himself involuntarily open up his mouth

“Love,” he said, immediately covering up his mouth in shock

“You love being in love, don't you? You love the feeling, but the belief of it being dirty takes over your brain afterward doesn't it? That's why you gouge your face open; you are in love with another man” Nik reached into his drawer and pulled out his handgun, thank god he bought that. She didn't move at all when the gun was pointed at her, “violence is one of your many coping mechanisms. You hurt others and yourself to keep yourself from not crying at night. However, it doesn't help now, doesn't it? You blame yourself for it, which then makes you suicidal. Even though you can't die, and you hate that as well.”

“You don't know shit!” his voice trembled as he felt his finger play against the trigger; the woman smiled

“The same could be said about yourself; you flash your degrees at others to cope with the fact you have no idea what's happening most of the time; you don't even know yourself that well anymore since the accident.”

“Bullshit, I knew myself in back with Tyler” she tsked him

“I mean the accident, you had gone over to her house for a sleepover; you were only eleven when you first got touched by her--” Nik shot a warning shot into his leg. She did nothing and continue like nothing happened; “you begged her to stop, that you only liked boys but she wouldn't listen; she told you that you could either be respected as a man or love as a woman. The choice was already made for you once you got in their since she knew you wouldn't want to be disrespected like your mother always did to you” 

“Shut up! Can't you see I'm emotionally vulnerable right now?” he begged, tears streaming down his darkened cheeks; “I don't want to know what I already fucking know, you fuck! I know I'm messed up! I know I have problems, but guess what? I don't give a shit! I deserve every bit of it! You don't know me if you think I don't!” Nik clenched his fists and started to pound down onto his wound, ripping it open. 

“You believe you deserve it, after all, that's what you were raised to believe; you never got over it, and it festered inside you for years. Then when finally shown affection from another man; all that repression came out, and that's why you pushed Tyler Landry out of your apartment window” she tilted her head, “I’m I not correct?” 

Nik stopped digging and looked at her dead in the eyes; they spoke of no remorse. He felt his head spin, and the edges of everything began to blur out; the blood loss was kicking in finally, or the pain was too much. Whatever the reason was, he passed out onto his bed again; still feeling the same when he did originally; self-loathing

By the time he woke up, it was already dark out again, and Jane and or whoever that alter was; had left. He laid there in his bed; face still rotted and let the silence overwhelm him, whoever that lady really knew her way with words. Nik brainstormed in the silence a list of what her deal was, finally landing on some sort of mind manipulation; or at least a way of knowing things of somebody's intricate past. For all the time he’d known Jane, and the rest of her alter’s, he’d never met her before, which he prayed to God that it stayed that way. She had hit every bit of his life to the point, and ripped him apart in the process; the feeling of absolute hopelessness washed over him again, as it did then. It hurt emotionally to know that she was right; no, she couldn't be right; only he knew his feelings. Those being that he was in the wrong for feeling this way, others could feel that way; after all, it's their life to live1 but him, he could never be happy, or gay, Nik had accepted that a long tie ago. Why hasn't everybody else accepted that as the absolute truth? Even Niles pried at him and his truth, slowly he’d try to inch his way into his history and try to figure out why he hated being around Larry, or why Nik would surround himself with pornographic magazines with the men’s face cut out. Thank god he never succeed at figuring it out, Niles had a track record of being the worst when coming to respecting people’s boundaries; Nik could still remember the first time he’d used Tyler’s death against him in for him to medicate him. Now looking back, he wished he'd just punched him in the face and kicked him until he bled; however the past is unchangeable, and instead, he let Niles continue on with his bullshit. 

The thought of letting life go on without the chief brushed over his mind, and how did he dwell on it. Nik knew that he had secrets or more less things that he did in the past that wouldn't be the most well received. But at the same time Niles had helped him through so much--considering when he first came to the manor he barely left his room, a month in Nik was out in about; walking around the manor like he owned the place. However, that didn't excuse all of the shit he’d put him through; it was a mixed bag of emotions. He laid there for a moment after all was said and done; he really wanted to go to bed, but considering the fact, he had just passed out for most of the day; it was seemingly impossible. Nik tossed and turned around in his bed; he felt something; odd in his stomach. It wasn't a sickness, no that feeling had a distinctive pain to it; it was hot and warm, and--

“Fuck off I’m not doing that shit,” Nik whispered to himself, knowing that wouldn't stop the fact he was thinking about men again. Not in a sexual way surprisingly enough, but just the thought of kissing a man made his heart race and his stomach turn into knots; at the same time, he wanted to puke at it. His face grew red as he thought about Mr Nobody---no he wasn’t going there; sure, they had sex; but that was different considering it wasn't love-filled ((at least to him)); it was only to keep him from not escaping, or anything along those lines. Hell, he probably pitied him considering how desperate he was acting! A sigh escaped his lips as he curled up into a ball on the bed. It was wrong to feel this way; his stomach churned at the thought of at least a handhold from another man; she messed him up; he loved the feeling of having butterflies in his stomach, but god did it hurt to relive memories of the past involving her. Men were so pretty back then, before she came along and ruined everything for him! Why couldn't she be fair and let him live his life? Nik started to sob once again, this time; he didn't stop and fell asleep crying.

Nik was never the type to have nightmares, or dreams in the first place; he did dream as all people do, but they never really stood out or were memorable enough. However, with nightmares, he remembers all of them, every single detail in great notice. This nightmare was no different then the ones he had back when he was an average person, he’d be laying in a closet with her over his body; Nik would struggle to get away, but the outcome was always the same; that he would have to relive it again, and again, and again. Over and over, for hours on end; it would play the same scene of a struggle; her beating him then--

This time it was different, most of it stayed the same, it was still dark, and she, brightly lit as ever; but for once in his life, he had some sort of control. He didn't notice it at first, he was so accustomed to it that trying to fight back against his punishment was such a stupid idea; however, he had a gut feeling to at least try. He attempted to punch her in the stomach, it connected to some extent, but she just recoiled a bit; his eyes widened as he looked down at his fists. He had control; a frown came upon his face as he felt his heart quicken, he couldn't be doing this; it's wrong to fight back, he deserved this; why would you be such an idiot? This is why she r--then the thoughts stopped, his breaths returned to normal, and he let himself go. Nik stood up, and ran; even when his legs felt like giving up, he made himself continue; he had a chance, and he took it, and a smile came upon his face; a genuine one at that. It felt so good to be free from her, at least for one night; Nik had never tried lucid dreaming, but he had heard about it from conversation; and he tried it; it was mostly simple stuff like walking on a beach or being in a quiet bookstore; but did it feel good to be in control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im on summer break now so expect to get more chapters soon lol


	8. 8. nothing to fear (but fear itself)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> therapy can be good actually  
> tw for sexual assault mentions

Nik had counted out how long it had been since the last incident involving the team; it had been only about five days since the whole thing of the old doom patrol. Which he only heard through Rita, he had been marking the days past on the calendar when he heard Vik through the door.

“Nik, could you come downstairs in about 15 minutes, we are going to have a meeting?” Nik sighed

“Yeah yeah yeah--I'll be ready” once Vik had walked away, he decided actually to put on some clothes; but what to wear? This was always the most crucial part of the day for him, what he’d be wearing to show off to the rest of the team that yes; he was an idiot, but at least nowadays he could dress well. Nik skimmed through his wardrobe, and after a full two minutes; he picked out the tackiest things he could find and slid into his clothes. One thing that he hasn't noticed before was that his binder was always showing, in the sense of all of his shirts either being low cut at the neck or no sleeves, looking at himself in his vanity: he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"God I'm ugly as shit" he stated to nobody in particular, he dug his nails into his neck. Nik sat down and took out his journal; checking off the things he had done today and what needed to get done. To his surprise, he had gotten a lot done in the past few days, even if he spent them in his room. By the time he deemed good enough to head down, most of his neck was bleeding, and he did not in fact, give any cares about that.

Of course, he didn't take into consideration the fact that 

A: it's a bit unnerving to see a man with a cut open neck

And

B: Cliff was having a psychotic break at that very moment when he'd walked down the stairs

He'd never seen Cliff; neurotic. At least in the sense of reality, he had dreams about him being all frazzled but seeing it was something else. His voice was filled with so much emotion and yet, his body so stiff, it was a bit weird to be viewing Cliff's problems in this way; but what was he supposed to do? Help him? No, the best thing he could do was peek into the living room and watch the madness unfold. 

Once Cliff decided it would be a good idea for them to get therapy immediately after going through a mental breakdown; Nik tried to make a break for the upstairs; however, Vik had already seen him.

"Nik! Could you come in here?" 

Nik should've ran, locked the door, and wait until they finished. But, instead, he slowly walked into the room, sat on the couch, and pointed at his neck wound: which was now starting to heal up quite nicely.

"Is it about my neck? Cause I uuuh--" Nik sighed, immediately reloading that he wasn't reading the room now; "your gonna have to kill me, Cliff. If you want me to get therapy, for the rest of y'all; I'm here to listen," he laid back in the seat. This was going to be a pain in his was

 

"---the last man I touched was John Bowers--" 

Nik shifted a bit in his seat, Larry had been going off about his emotional problems about being gay for only a bit, and Nik already wanted to throw himself out a window. Not because Larry was finally opening up; hell he was quite happy for him but; Nik hated the fact they were similar. Nik had tried to distance himself as much as possible from the whole team, making sure to always act on a random cord, but now he couldn't do that. Now he had to relate to others, relate to period homophobia and such. But, he was at least a bit pleased that they'd be dealing with their issues; speaking of that--

"Alright, Nik, you share!" Nik jolted up in shock, blood dripping off his open palms. He chuckled and pushed himself further down on the couch; at that moment just barely on it.

"Uuuuh--do I have to?" It was a stupid question, of course, he had to, but Nik knew Cliff could at least be talked down to.

"Yeah? Listen, I'm sorry about me yelling at you; but we are worried for you! We wanna know what's going on, like I said if we don't deal with this now, we are fucked when we go fight Mr Nobody" Cliff pleaded, Nik scoffed and adjusted himself in his seat.

"Oh? So you want everything?" Nik mocked

"No no no, just whatever's bothering you, if your not comfortable that's fine, but we wanna help, or at least I do--please?" Cliff reeked of parental energy that whole time. Nik knew what was bothering him; she was; but no, he can't talk about her; she didn't deserve to be disgraced by his tongue; she had done nothing wrong after all. But yet,

"well--uh, how do I phrase this--" Nik didn't even consciously know what he was doing, after all, he was too busy worrying about it to even notice the fact he was, " I have...problems--"

"We all do, Nik!--"

"Cliff, you fucking interrupt me one more time ill cut your head off and eat your damn brains you useless piece of shit!--" Nik sighed, "sorry, sorry...uh--" he could feel the bile build in his throat, he couldn't; no, he shouldn't; Mr Nobody already knew, what was the point if therapy? He was never going to get better, not until he was dead.

"When I was a kid--i--no no no let me try that again" much better, give them a half-truth; "I can't look at men without wanting to gouge my eyes our; that's better" Nik started, surprisingly enough nobody interrupted him in between the intermission. 

"Like; I love--" he choked a bit on his bile, "I love men, but I-I can't love them y know? I mean--I know it's okay too, but my brain and people have told me otherwise so it's-- it's bad. The amount of times ice had nightmares about my--" Nik took a deep breath in, you can do it; say her name. 

"My--abuser, is unreal. She ruined my life, she made sure I can't look at a guy anymore, and I-I hate it! I want to get better, I want to be able to fall in love with who I want to but--but Every time I see a man I'm reminded that I cant--that it's bad and dirty to think this way. But I can't help myself, and I fucking spiral out of control! Its a constant cycle of abuse and bad coping mechanisms that I can't get out of! I fucking hate her!--but I can't; she was only trying to help! God--I fucking hate this life I've lived" he finally broke down, and the best thing about that? Nik finally said what he wanted to say; he knew she was abusive; a sexual abuser; rapist or whatever. It was all the same to him, but he never had that push to admit to those words legibility, now that did; even within the mental breakdown, it felt a bit nice to say it.

"--I could've been a better lover, I could've tried to get over this shit--but I can't, I'm a weak man who doesn't deserve half the shit people use to give me. I disappoint everybody, and I--I can't stop" Nik had never cried in front of anybody on the team before and wasn't expecting Rita to come over and hug him, or Vik to get him a tissue. Yet they did, they cared; they listened, and that made him crack up a bit. At least he was going to get a laugh out of this after all.

"Uh--you okay? You wanna- "

"I'm good--I'm good" Nik wiped his eyes of the tears, "okay now you all give me a kick in the teeth and I'll be on my way--" 

"Hey, Nik?" Larry asked Nik turned to see him with his hands over his lap

"Yeah?"

"I just want to say uh--I'm--I'm sorry for what happened to you," he said with a look of concern, Nik laughed in the awkward motions of the team trying to comfort him.

"--yeah" Vik interjected, "you didn't deserve any of that, you know you did nothing wrong, right? "

"I-" Nik stopped, were they trying to help? No, no that couldn't be right; this was only to let out your feelings not fix them! He didn't need any fixing! "I don't know--"

"Do you want to like--hug it out?" Nik chuckled at Cliff's comment, and he shook his head

"I'm good thanks though" he stated, Larry shifted in his seat.

"Is that why you don't like to sit next to me?" He asked, Nik looked around the room; that was part of it.

"Uh--yes and no? It's--its a lot of things" he moved his arms about, "I just--I don't think I'm in the right mindset to answer those questions...now" Larry nodded

"No, no! It's fine if you don't want to--" 

"No, I do! I really do, Trainor but...it's been a day, and I'm like thiiiis close to crying again so uh--yeah" Nik chuckled again, Cliff turned to him.

"Nik, you are an extremely powerful man, and I am very proud of you for sharing that with us. If you ever want to talk, I'm always open too!" Why did he have to be so nice? Nik laughed him off.

"Cliff don't lie to me--"

"In being serious! I could never imagine how much courage it would take to admit to something like that; I'm proud of you man" Cliff walked over and put a hand on Nick's shoulder, "I am" it was silent for quite a while until he started feeling his shoulder go numb.

"Alright I'd recommend you let go now, I'm going to lose an arm if you keep at this"

"Holy shit--I'm sorry!" Nik patted him on the back

"It's fine! Rather not have to rip myself apart," they both laughed.

"Are you two done?" Rita sat with her legs crossed, "not to be rude or anything but--I feel like Nik has shared his part" she avoided looking into his eyes the whole time, even if she didn't say it out loud; Nik could tell that Rita cared.

Nik looked down at the ground and blocked out the rest of the events that presented it; mostly talking, Jane storming off and a lot of screaming. But, Nik didn't move when they did; he stayed in his seat, staring at the floor with his mouth a slight bit agape. His body shook a bit, he had finally gotten out his feelings; he should've been jumping with joy! But yet, he didn't. Instead, he started to bite his nails, he spiraled down into his brain's circlejerk of self-hatred.

He had messed up, he should've have made it sound bad; don't be so dramatic, Nik. She was only trying to help, but if she was; why did it hurt so much? Nik vomited all over the floor; while the rest of them were dealing with Jane; he looked down into it; it was all black. He grinned at his head, why did it always come down to this? Nik dug his fingers into his skull, why couldn't he just get over it? Then, in the blink of an eye, he was on the ground, passed out in his guts.


	9. 9. what you see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> therapy...2!

Nik had never really dissociated that severely before, most of the time he caught himself in the act and could stop it from happening, this time he didn't, and now there was hell to pay. His eyes adjusted to the familiar surroundings of his old room from college; it had been that long? There he saw a dark figure, in the sense of being all black and slanted; almost cat-like white eyes. 

"Well that was disgusting, you humans and have an awful stomach system" Nik rubbed his eyes, looked back; it was still there.

"Who the fuck are you?" He demanded, the figure sighed and lit a cigarette

"Take a guess" its voice dripped of apathy, as it blew a smoke ring at Nik

“No, tell me” Nik could feel himself grow more and more pissed off as the seconds counted by, so many questions rushed through his brain; but at that moment he just wanted one thing; to get the hell out. 

“Don't be like that, Nik. Just guess, has it been that long?” Nik paused and thought about it for a moment. Did they--oh, oh no

“Sadie?” all those memories came flooding back to him; those nights of absolute terror as he would have flashbacks to his assault; it was always there; rubbing his cheek and or calming him down from shock. Its voice was so sweet back then, it was still lovely to hear; but it was more--withered and husky.

“Mhm” it blew another ring at him, “that's me” Sadie stood up and turned on the lights to the room; they were darker than he remembered; much more--horrific. 

“How-- I--shit man, why?” Sadie shushed him

“Not to many questions, it makes you sick--would you like something to drink? A coke perhaps?” Nik nodded, it grinned; “good” in a moments notice the drink was in his hand and Sadie was looming over him. Nik took a very shaky sip of the glass and accidentally dropped it on the floor; however, it did not shatter. Instead, it stayed frozen in time right before it hit the ground

“I know you have a lot of questions, so how about we just--hm--do this in an easy and fun way, how about that?” Sadie laughed, pulling out a deck of playing cards; it offered them to him, “pick one, and I'll answer the question on it.”

Nik spat in its face, he wasn't a damn child; he was a grown ass adult; Nik would be asking his own damn questions whether it liked it or not

“Fuck you, answer my question; why I'm here?” Sadie sighed, its face twisted a bit. 

“Nik--” it groaned, “you don't want me to answer that one--you know the answer” it dug its heels into Nik's shoe, he felt nothing except anger. 

“No i don't, I'd like my fucking answer, Sadie” Nik's tone was filled with venom, Sadie huffed and put a hand on his shoulder; the feeling of dread washed over his entire body as he could feel his insides begin to twist and turn; however, he did not break; he was never doing that again.

“I’m protecting you, Nik” it stated, “remember back--all the way with Tyler? I made sure it didn't get to serious, now didn't I? I’m helping you--we don't want you to kill yourself, none of us do” 

“Don't speak for the rest of them-- I--” his brain started to buzz, Nik gripped at his head and started to dry heave; he tried to yell, but no words--or any noises came out

“Now now--Nik, I think we all know nobody wants you to die” the way it said his name made him want to puke; it sounded so familiar but yet so new and distinct; “now--how about I answer a better question? After all, those boring questions just make you sick, now don't they?” Nik started to violently puke; all his insides clenched together as black oozed out of his mouth. Sadie put both of its hands on his shoulder; Nik began to shake aggressively; falling onto the ground in the process; however, its hands would not leave; the hands--they never left him

“Here's a question I can feel out of you; why are you making me sick? I don't appreciate that! Well to answer that--” it kneeled down next to him, “you need to understand first of all; this isn't a punishment; I would never, ever, try to hurt you. However, this is payback; you know how we both feel about those feelings you have.” It placed a hand on Nik’s chest, he could feel his heart begin to slow down; '' I am here--no i was made specifically to protect you, and these feelings--they make you vulnerable; and i can't have that--we both can have that! I mean--the last time i didn't do my job you killed a man! Well” it trailed off, '' I did, in a sense but that's not the point” Nik gripped at Sadie’s hand, his hand trembling

“What?” his voice shook with horror, it laughed him off

“What? I didn't say anything, nik. Anyways--back to my point, I'm trying to make sure you--yes you, don't get hurt again. Look at me” it grabbed him by the cheek’s and brought him close to its own, its face twisted in unnatural ways and swirled around; sadie smelled of her, “you cannot love men, i’m sorry--but we can't risk you getting hurt again.” 

At that comment; something, broke in him. Not necessarily in a giving up way; no; it was in a more or less pulse control dissipating type of stche. He had never felt so; disgusted at those words--even if they had been spoken to him so many times, in so many ways; but this time; he felt awful hearing it. Even if a part of his brain kept telling him that these words must be listened to; he pushed them away; he had enough, hiding away his feelings, letting his old self and Elaine control him; he had been wasting away for too long on these feelings; it was time to punch up and let go. 

Nik broke away from it’s grip, slowly he got to his feet with a hard tremble, Sadie chuckled

“Oh don't act this way, I don't like treating you like a child” Nik shuffled his way over to his bedside desk; if his memory serves correct; he always kept his firearm in their; with a twitch of his hand and a quick check; that was served correctly. Sadie floated closer to him.

“Nik,” it whispered, “how about we talk about this over some tea? I have some boiling in--” nik pulled out the gun, his hands still trembling but he had a good trigger finger; he wasn't just going to shoot it; no; this had to be painful

“Fuck off--like seriously! I don't--you don't get to treat me like this”

“Oh nik would you--” 

“No!” he cut sadie off, “you dont fucking talk, you lost that right when thios bullshit started up! I made you to protect me, but guess what? I dont need fucking protection anymore!” he screamed, his finger twitching around the trigger; “I made you when i was-scared and felt awful about myself; you--you were made to keep me away from my feelings, and--and I don't need to anymore! I want to love men--I want to kiss men without having to worry about what you and elaine think of me! So, you know what? Fuck you, you dont know shit about me” silence fell inbetween them, before sadie growled too loudly for comfort.

“Dont fucking talk to me like that, sadie--” at that mention of his old name, he shot it seventeen times; it fell to the ground by the first shot but he didnt stop; he coudlnt stop. After those shots; he got down on the ground and started to rip the thing apart; it was long dead--dead in the physical sense; those thoughts would never go away--but, in that moment what mattered was to get revenge; and especially to feel better. The whole time he was crying, and vomiting; but inside; deep within himself; he felt happy.

He took that feeling, and instead of running away from it; he smiled and held his body in a hug.


	10. 10. sweat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the most cursed chapter yet, sorry for not uploading i've been busy with summer school, anyways, suffer, big nsfw warning thou

The bad thing about this whole adventure was the fact he was still covered in his puke when he woke up. Of course, the team surrounded him; without jane of course, but he wished that they would at least be courtesy and take him out of his fluids, but yet again the only competent one was Vik, and he didn't look like he was in the mood to be that today.

“Holy shit--are you alright?” Cliff asked, offering up a hand; Nik took it and pulled himself up

“Uh--no, and yeah” Nik gestured at the floor; “I mean I'm covered in my guts, but at the same time--know I let go of my emotional issues, so I guess it's a mixed bag, honestly” everybody stood there in shook, Nik tilted his head; “what?”

“You what?” larry questioned, his arms crossed.

“I shot my old self who is also my abuser in the head, you ever done that before? Let me tell ya, do it sometimes; its a hella a fun time” Nik slurred out, he was going to be on this emotional high for a while; so why not ride it out in style? Cliff waved his hands around

“How the fuck do you manage to do that while passed out?” Nik scoffed

“I wasn't passed out; I dissociated the fuck out” he paused, then started up again; right, not everybody is him and knows what words mean. “my brain and my body weren't working together, and I was in my head instead of in my body; its complicated, ask Jane--speaking of her, where is she?” Cliff looked over at the others; he looked back at Nik, then back at them.

“Uh-she ran off.”

“Fucking what?”

“Yeah-- it's kinda my fault, but I can fucking fix this! I swear,” Cliff said, Nik could feel his blood pressure rising; why did cliff have to be such an idiot? Sure, an idiot with a heart of gold, but a moron nonetheless. He really wanted to ask what happened for it to get to this point, but he shut his mouth and let Cliff try to explain himself; of course, it's hard to listen to him after a while; his voice always bothered him, so he just walked up to his room. 

“Where the fuck are you going? You should--” 

“Cliff oh my fucking god nobody gives a shit” he blurted out, as he slammed the door to his room; he slid down the door and looked down at himself. It may take time to get used to these feelings, but he could manage; hell he managed to be mopey for most of his teenage years. He had confidence that he could try to get over his feelings. But first,

He ran over to his bedside cabinet and opened up the very top shelf; his hands flipped through all the junk he had in their; until he found what he was looking for,

“Oh baby, I’ve missed you” Nik stared happily into those old pornographic magazines, he hasn't jacked off in ages; but he promised himself the last time he did; that once he got his shit together, he could beat his meat as much as he wanted; now that day had come, and he couldn't be happier. He flipped through the pages, filled with men going at each other and laughed

“God I've missed this shit” he jumped onto his bed and quickly took off his clothing, all of it; he was going to be there for a while. Once he got himself situated, Nik took out his lube from his bedside cabinet and relaxed; and slowly dipped two fingers into himself; with his other hand, he covered his mouth and moaned. He began to gently finger himself, attempting to keep quiet; but he couldn't help but start to pick up the pace and moan louder. 

At that, he put his free hand’s fingers into his mouth; in his mind, it was defiantly to quiet himself, but in reality, it just made him even hornier; the thought of anything in his mouth only made him even wetter. He started to grind against his fingers as he inserted another one into himself

“Fuck--” he groaned, his fingers were knuckle deep into himself, and he managed to stifle his orgasm. Nik’s eyes rolled up into his skull as the pace was picked up to be violent, he couldn't help but laugh; the pleasure was so good, and how did he miss this feeling. Until he hit his g spot, then he started to scream out in ecstasy; he pulled out his fingers and began to suck on them; Nik wasn't going to cum now; this had to be a slow and torturous process; that's how he liked it after all. Its what he deserved.

He laid himself on his stomach and opened up his legs, then stuck his three fingers back into himself. This time he didn't stop himself from being extremely loud; he thrashed around and pumped himself violently; Nik could care less at this point, after all, everybody in the house was an adult, and it's his life, he can masturbate as loud as he wanted to! Unless somebody told him to stop, then he would, but nobody was explicitly telling him he couldn't, so it was free game. It wasn't enough though, it felt good, yes; but he needed more; so much more. 

Nik stopped thrusting and opened up his cabinet once again; the second drawer specifically; he searched around to the best of his abilities; considering he was one handing it; but alas, he found what he really wanted; he pulled out his old dildo; it was quite a thick one and a decent size; but it would do. Nik lubed it up, even if he really didn't have to considering how wet he was; and slowly began to insert it into himself. He bit down on his free hand and groaned as it stretched him out, Nik moaned loudly and pushed it deeper in, in only a few minutes, it was entirely inside of him, and he began to thrust it in and out. 

“Oh--fuck me” Nik rolled his hips against the movement of the dildo, spit drolled out of his mouth as he took the chance to rub his clit as well. He could feel an orgasm building up in him, he stopped the pace and let himself lay there with it inside of him; waiting until it passed by for him to start up again. It was stupid, yes; and extremely masochist of him to do; but what he learned from last time he masturbated; if you keep edging yourself, the end result would be quite; exhilarating. Nik changed his position once again; with it inside of him still, it moved around as he sat up and spread his legs open wide; he couldn't help but moan. He threw his head back as he began to go at himself once again, this time he fingered his asshole as well; the pleasure was undeniable at that point, and he couldn't keep himself quiet. The bed creaked aggressively and his voice shrieked throughout the room; echoing off the walls (and probably throughout the whole neighborhood and the manor)

“Shit--fuck me, nobody” he moaned, he couldn't help but think about Mr. Nobody, just the way he presented himself, that damn smile and oh the way he made him feel--it was hard to not think about him fucking him again; his hands in his mouth, him talking dirty to him and Nobody’s cock inside him. “Oh Mr Nobody--” Nik's body finally gave into the pleasure--he cam all over the sheets and the dildo, but it didn't stop; he spazzed all over the bed for a while; even after the orgasm, he couldn't stop his limbs from twitching about; as if he had just snorted a line of cocaine. The inside of his skull pounded as he felt his brain buzz in the afterglow, it felt so good; his lips twitched as his body began to return to normal. 

Nik turned over onto his back and sighed, he rubbed his temple and pushed the dildo off the bed with contempt. The entirety of his body slowly began to ache, he grabbed his bedsheets and pulled them over his head, and relaxed. It felt nice, considering how long it had been since he got off; but it felt so wrong; it may be the fact that he was now just deciding to get better, or because he was jacking off to the idea of having sex with the guy the whole team could agree; was their enemy. Speaking of that, he had sex with the enemy! That had to be wrong, but at the same time, it felt so good--the sex was excellent, and yes; he didn't really care at the moment about who he was fucking, but the more that he thought about it; he’d love to have sex with Nobody again.

No, he couldn't fall down this rabbit hole! He was the enemy, the villain, he stole the only man who cared about him--but god was he hot, and considerate and--Nik pinched himself. 

“Stop” he warned himself, “we aren't falling in love with him” Nik buried his face in his pillow; he ended up sleeping in the rest of the day; the only thought on his mind being Nobody.

**Author's Note:**

> changed some of the dialogue in the first episode since I'm lazy and my internet was out when i wrote the first chapter


End file.
